11/09/2012

When I close my eyes, I see red fuzzy orbs.

My head has hurt all day long.

My stomach hurts now. I have no energy.

I sat down in an isle in Target this evening. I didn’t feel like I could get up. I wanted to lay down.

All the while I say this is good. Or not I, but you know who. This is how it should be. How its meant to be. Now just keep it here.Keep up the good work! Stay focused on me. No room for you…the real you. (me)

Last night I dreamt about a storm. A really horrible storm that was approaching the area. It was suppose to be deadly, and I couldn’t wait for it to begin. People were trying to seek safe shelter, and I wanted to be one with the storm. Unfortionately, the storm never hit, but I kept looking out a window in hopes it would arrive. The storm would tease me. The sky would turn stone gray, then turn healthy blue, and then turn back to gray.

This week went by very slowly.

I’m not enjoying the cold weather. I hate it.

I hate my body more. I can’t stand it.

I have been taking it out on my skin. How pathetic.

Sleep is impossible……as always.

I havn’t been to therapy in two weeks.

I forgot my friends birthday this week. I feel like an ass.  I can try to explain to others why I constantly forget things, but its pretty much useless. It all just sounds like an excuse, and they don’t understand anyway.

I didn’t get out of bed until 11:30am this morning. (I didn’t have to take care of Evelyn and Warren this morning) I wanted to stay in bed all day. I couldn’t.

I have to work all day on Sunday. Sunday is usually my one day off. I appreciate the work, I know its a good thing, but I’m complaining about it anyway.

I’m not looking forward to the end of the month. What a dreadful holiday for the eating disordered in America. I don’t want to have to think about it, but too bad it takes up a lot of thought.

I thought I had more to write about, but I keep staring off into space.