10/01/2013

Allow me to welcome myself back, if only for a breif few moments. Turns out the library computer is magic, and is the only computer I have found that will allow me to actually write here. My laptop has nearly kicked the bucket, and by that I mean the damn power cord is all messed up somehow…I don’t know how.

Not much to update on honestly. Lets see…Apartment?? Its going okay, at best. Lost 2 roommates, rent went up, and I can hardly afford it anymore. Well, one roommate is still at the apartment, but is out of work, therefor had no income. I understand her situation right now, therefore I am not mad, Cant be mad…she is working on herself right now..well sort of. Between the two roommates I have, its been rather…uhh, difficult. They have both fallen back into their old ways…partyways I mean. THEY ARE SO LOUD. Originally it was suppose to be a sober apartment..well, sober no more. Its not what i originally signed up for. But I hate to be that girl…the one to complain about shit all the time, so I have been trying to let it slide..which is doing me no good at all. I need to learn to speak up for myself. Many nights have been spent wide awak because of the noise, which doesen’t work well in my sistuation. THe other night I eneded up cleaning vomit from the bathtub, it was both horrible and triggering at the samem time.

Hopefully things get better. I have hope…maybe.

ED….same old. I have zero energy this week. I’m sick of my body.

I am finally getting over a three week headache, that was great, not ED related…sinus related. Lame.

I have been talking to a new guy, he seems pretty great. Its exciting, but also makes my self conciousness sky rocket. (I don’t think I spelled that right) Its just hard for me to imagine somebody of the opposite sex wanting to talk to me. It boggles my low esteemed mind honestly. (I don’t think low esteemed is a real saying)

I started therapy again. Its…I don’t really know. Hard to say still. New counselor, not sure how I really feel about her yet. I keep contemplating weather I want to keep going or not. They told me that they couldn’t really help with the ED part but could help me with the depression/anxiety/self esteem issues.

Work is good.

Francois is good.

I’m going to be okay. I hope.

My computer time is going to run out. Hope everybody is well. It was nice to update, and I do actually read diaris on here, so I have been keeping up with my bookmarks….on Saturdays when I babysit, and use their laptop.

I’m thinking about being Chunk from The Goonies for halloween.