it feels later than it is

its not even 8pm, but it feels like 1130 pm. im so tired from today. i learned a lot. i was at an all day study event for my upcoming test. it was raining on the way home and i was crying in the car. i was upset for two reasons. 1. i might be pregnant. and i dont want to be. im almost too scared to pee on a stick. i keep telling myself im not pregnant, so theres no reason for a test. but i think its just my way of avoiding the subject. im sosososo afraid that i could be. why do i think i could be pregnant? in late aug, mch and i had unprotected sex. im on birth control pills, but they are different than what i was previously on and i dont know if the pills have high enough levels of hormones. i typically would use condoms or have my partner pull out, just to avoid the idea of pregnancy altogether–keeping in mind i was consistently on birth control pills as a back up…in case the condom broke or whatever.  im rambling. why do i think i could be pregnant? because i had my period shortly after the unprotected event–in early sept, but it was very light and very short. the period i should have had in october was late and came in early nov, so about a week and a half late from its scheduled date, and it wasnt a real period, it was just spotting. why else do i think im pregnant? my tits are out of control.  im constantly tired, no matter how much sleep i get. every now and again, i get pains in my lower abdomen.

what was the other reason i was crying? my work situation. we recently received a client with cjd. i refused to have anything to do with it. i wasnt at work today so i really didnt have to. i called S on my way home, and she was about to begin the process. SIDENOTE: when i had to go to work on sunday, jo, sw and i had a discussion about cjd. sw was saying all kinds of things, like using lye to treat the output, and that it couldnt go into the drains. and all instruments had to be disposed. all kinds of awful things. so when i got the news on tue about the case, i was mortified. i honestly think the whole thing should be incinerated. its a matter of public health, and occupational safety. i think it should be a law.  i shared this with S. she agreed at first. but when i called her today to check on things, she said she wasnt going to treat the output, and that she wasnt going to prevent it from going to the drains. and most disturbing of all, she wasnt going to dispose of the instruments.

i dont want to lose my job, but i also dont want to have any risk of exposure to cjd. our chemicals do nothing to it. it can be resistant to bleach.  and it can stay active on any surface for up to a year.