t’estimo

Nothing and nobody can be compared with him. I don’t even need to tell u again how gorgeous he is, that is something that I can’t find words to describe, something that takes my breath away and makes me want to look at him forever, just look with the highest admiration that one can ever feel. Begin with this message I’ve sent to one of my Russian pals in the beginning of October: “Oh, there’s one handsome guy down here. If you could only see him!”, to this moment I knew it’s something that gonna change my life. At first, of course, there was nothing but a light feeling, like, oh he’s nice. I looked at him and came to conclusion that he’s a nice guy, perhaps the one from hundreds of pretty ones in the university and that’s all. But when I began to know him, I realized that under this physical beauty there’s a soul which is no less, even more gorgeous; for me beauty is not only the physical thing. It impressed me; his kindness, everything. I’ve never seen such kind of person before. And of course it’s not surprising that all my wishes were just to be as close to him as possible. I didn’t know how he felt towards me, and he really didn’t show any affection, so I was ready to go with the thought that he doesn’t feel what I feel to him… But I wanted him at least to be my friend, just have a chance to see him, look at these eyes that hypnotized me. Even now, after he’d left, after all wonderful time we spent together, after beautiful words said, tears cried and moments shared I don’t stop thanking God for meeting him and giving us this moments I’ll never forget. Remembering him, crying at our last minutes together whispering I love you, I know, there is something dearer than those little problems and disappointments; there’s something to live for…

That’s what I wrote right after he left Ireland. Even now when I read those words, my heartjumps in my chest. Everything was so perfect back then… Too perfect. I knew that a fairytale like that can’t last forever… And it didn’t. It ended so suddenly.

And now all I have is the memories… Memories of all those wondersul moments we shared… love he gave me.

There is only our meeting in Spain on my mind now. I’m trying to remember everything piece by piece. I remember when he embraced me, I wanted hug him and never let him go… just be there, looking at him forever… to spend my life with him… I’m ashamed by my own thoughts. And by my tears I’m crying now…

t’estimo