still loved up

I’m so pathetic. Couple of days ago I strictly told myself: Ok, Yanchik, you are going to wait til he e mails you. And now I’m sitting here staring helplessly at the ‘Wait. Sending Message’ thing on the screen. So fuckin pathetic!

I know he misses me alright. I just feel it. But he’s trying to forget me (that girl probably helps him with it). And it’s the right thing to do. It’s a pity that I can’t find courage to do the same.

Okay. Try to forget about it at least for a second. It was a nice day, but too hot. Just incredibly hot – I felt like I was boiling. Maria and I went to Tanya’s house. Nothing special, just telly, beer and "girly" talkies ("What an arse" kind of thing). Tanya said she’s going to Argentina with her girlfriend on romantic holidays. I remembered Magdalena, my roommate in Ireland. I wish I could go with them! Nope, it’s dangerous actually I’m afraid they will make me feel disappointed in men)). Then we went out to the city centre and just fooled around. It was fun actually.

Keun Ju e mailed me. He was quite surprised to hear that I was in Spain. "Did you have a great time with your friend?" he asked. Sometimes I think he’s more interested in Miquel than in me, really. He’s just so obvious about being jealous that it becomes amusing. I haven’t told him that I broke up with him yet. Well, there’s no need in it. Again there was phrases like "I still love you, even though you have a boyfriend. It’s such a pity that we didn’t get close when we were in Ireland!" in his e mail. But what would happen if we did? I don’t really get him. I like a guy to be independent and sure of himself but not so damn stubborn! Maybe that’s the reason I was kind of cold to him. Well, how else could I act?

There was also e mail from Oscar. He’s really cute. I just don’t want to imagine how I would fell for him if I wasn’t in love 

But no. There’s no chance. The only thing I know for sure is that again I won’t fall asleep this night… again there will be only one wish – to feel him…