Espana (p2)

But there was a text from him before Oscar and I could arrange the meeting. Actually I texted him first saying about this cr.ppy weather that took all my good mood away. There wasn’t any hint in this message, I mean that I wanted to go out with him or anything like that. Well, I did but it was up to him first of all. We arranged the meeting finally. He thought that I was staying in Barcelona, but actually I stayed in the coastal town close to it. He said it was even better and he got his mother’s car to get there. I was having coffee in the small café with a friend on the beach when I received the text. Until this moment I haven’t actually realized that I’m going to see Miquel again… I couldn’t believe it. I shivered slightly thinking, imagining… His gorgeous features. Jesus, I’d been waiting for ages, so back then I couldn’t believe in such a blessing God praised me with…

-Are you alright? – I looked up. Ashley was looking at me with this ‘you went mad’ gaze, brow lifted. I realized that I was sitting unmoving, mouth slightly open looking at my mobile. It seemed weird to say the least. But I really lost in my own thoughts… Such a bittersweet feeling suddenly occupied me.

-If I knew, – I finally managed to say.

 

It was about 4 when I went to the bar downstairs waiting for him. There still was this kind of tension in me, I must admit. I was trying to calm down but with no success. I saw two Dutch lads I was introduced to, and smiled at them. Oscar’s gaze was on me. As usual. I can say I got used to it by then. Maybe I even liked it. I wonder what he’s thinking… Probably wondered why the hell I look so nervous. It was pretty visible, am sure.

 

-I’m in front of the hotel, – was the text. Phew! Eventually.

 

I tried to lift my bottom slowly from the chair (not to jump) and walked towards the doors. And there was him… The same guy. The one I adore. I don’t know if it was my imagination but it seemed like he was glad to see me. Hug… A friendly one. We were so close I looked at him. I missed those eyes. I think mine were showing everything I hid from the world and from him particularly. Kiss… No, there wasn’t one – it’s definitely my imagination now. In other words, I melted from the very beginning. How am I going to bear this ‘meeting of old pals’? Ah sweet Jesus…

 

He parked the car when we reached the beach territory and we went out. Just walking on the beach. We talked about some nonsense; I don’t even remember what it was – all I remember was him beside me. And another thing – suddenly I realized that I started to laugh, smile again… I think I hadn’t laughed since we broke up. Life had no sense… but at that moment there was sense again… just for couple of hours. But I was so glad even for such a short moment of being in paradise. We were sitting on the sand, I remember… close to the sea and each other. I did my best not to look at him much but it was too difficult. Jesus, how gorgeous he is… I enjoyed every second of it… Enjoyed <em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal”>his presence, his scent, his soft voice hypnotizing me. Again I felt a fear that soon I was going to loose it… again… and so soon… I began to shiver and am really not sure if it was actually from cold.  No… Of course not.

 

Another ‘sorry’ escaped his lips. Well, it was the first one I actually heard, not read in an e mail. He thought I was still angry at him for what he’d done. I wasn’t angry at all… I’ve never been angry at him. I was just… sad. I told him once that my greatest fear was to lose him. And there it was – he saying that there’s another woman in his heart and I was far away from him unable to say again how much he meant to me… This woman is the luckiest one in the world. I hope she’ll make him happy. I couldn’t.. but she will. I turned away from him, enough for him not to notice tears slipping down my cheek. I pretended to fix my hair and whipped it with my hand quickly. He shouldn’t feel pity on me. Then I dared to look at him. Our eyes met and there was this wonderful moment that we had so many times… just looking at each other. My eyes at that moment could say more than any word on any language. Eyes are the mirror of the soul and there was such deep feeling in here. He gave me the pleasure to feel the wonder of being in his arms again. I don’t have words to describe how wonderful it felt… I think if he kissed me, I’d die of happiness… But he doesn’t like me… not anymore. There were again tears in my eyes, so I turned away looking at the sea and the thick line of the dawn on it. Romantica as I’d say on Russian.

 

We parted. It’s still too hard for me to remember this moment, so I won’t go into it if you don’t mind. Tears, it’s all I can say. I didn’t say to him ‘t’estimo’ but he knew it. Pretty well.

 

I went back to the hotel and there was Oscar. Oh, I wonder if he saw us. But he was all smiling and happy to see me, so I smiled back. Managed to smile. He was really cute and girls looked at him quite often. He looked at me. But there was one name beating in my pulse – Miquel.

 

In the evening, there was guy playing the sweet rhythms of Spanish guitar. The lad was playing just wonderful; he didn’t play guitar – he played with the strings of my soul. His first song was kind of a slow, romantic one. It wasn’t ok with me at that moment – I was too sensitive. I watched him gently pulling the strings of the guitar through the tears. Flamenco dancer was looking at me and later saying that I was even more beautiful with all those emotions that fulfilled me. No-no, that’s too cruel.

 

Then there was the excursion to Barcelona and I was astonished by the beauty of the city. Later I went there with friends again – I couldn’t get enough of it.

 

And there was the end. I had to leave. It was very upsetting thing to say byes to all the friends I made there. And Miquel… At the last night I suddenly woke up and found myself crying. In my sleep… I couldn’t fall asleep anymore, so I went to the sea… to the place where we were together. I was so grateful for him to make me feel him again… and hoped that maybe even for a second, for a tiny little moment he regretted what he did…