Day: 126 pt 2

I think I’ve been ruminating on the past more because there was a more recent incident. About a year and a half ago, one of my cousins, an older daughter of my owi aunt, asked my mom if she could stay with her for a few weeks. A few weeks turned into over a year. I’ll call her sister-cousin.

Sister-cousin was a cool cousin, growing up. She’s 8yrs older than me, pretty, seemed happy-go-lucky and just had a natural way of making people feel good about themselves. She moved between coasts, after she graduated high school; but we created a stronger bond through my teenaged years despite the distance. We would talk on the phone and watch tv shows together. We could talk about anything without judging each other. She’d call me her sister.

When sister-cousin moved into my mom’s, she was clearly having some emotional issues but seemed motivated to find a therapist to help process the past and move on. I’d go over to the house and we’d go get coffee and just talk. After a while, it started getting awkward. It got to a point where every talk was deep and emotionally triggering for her. She asked me if I knew anyone who could help her sell her adderall because she needed money. My mom would tell me about some of sister-cousin’s weird cleaning behaviors (like time of day or things being moved to where my mom couldn’t find them), she seemed to only eat icecream and granola bars and started coming downstairs less and less. She would sleep all day and go downstairs at night, even weeding in the garden at 10p in the dark.

December 2019, I went into sister-cousin’s bedroom, while she was out, and found that it was hoarded floor to ceiling with boxes and clothes. My mom and I started discussing the seriousness of what seemed to be going on. I contacted state agencies about involuntary commitment; but since she hadn’t made any violent threats, we didn’t have any options. In May my mom and I finally sat her down and confronted her about going to an inpatient program. Sister-cousin said it didn’t matter what I had to say because I was younger than her, so what did I know? She tried to placate my mom, luckily I was there to support her and help my mom stick to her conditions. Her thought process was all over the place, her reasonings didn’t make sense. She kept insisting she was fine and getting better but refused the examples we had that to prove she wasn’t. Sister-cousin said she would just move out, to just give her 30 days.

A week later, I saw her picture on a Facebook police department page, asking for help identifying her over an incident at a local convenience store. I called the tip line and gave them her name and address. I asked what the incident was about and the officer informed me it was multiple thefts. My mom confronted my cousin about it, she nonchalantly said that it was a misunderstanding and that she’d handle it. Two weeks later, I was visiting my mom and we were looking for dolls to a dollhouse for my 6y/o to play with. All the furniture was in the box, but the people were all missing. My mom went and knocked on my cousin’s door to see if she knew where they were and my cousin pulled them out from somewhere in the room. My mom freaked out, after having proof that my cousin was taking things from the house that weren’t hers (my mom is extremely passive aggressive and hates confrontation, it was very scary to see her lash out like that). I ran downstairs and sat my child in the car while I called the police.

2 officers showed up and took turns talking to my cousin, upstairs. At one point, I heard one of the officers say, “You’re not making any sense, I’m losing my patience, I need to step outside and take a break.” They decided that they could give my cousin until midnight (about 8hrs at this point) to pack what she needed and they would drive her to a hotel. My mom called one of her brothers and his wife and they drove about 4hrs to help my mom remove my cousin.

At 10p, I noticed that my cousin’s bedroom light was on, my mom and I sat down to watch a movie for a bit. My aunt and uncle showed up at 11:45 and said that the bedroom light was off. I heard my aunt knock on the bedroom door, I could hear my cousin telling my aunt, “I’ve had a long day, I have a migrane, I was just laying down, I really need to sleep” and my aunt just told her, “Nope, you’re leaving, we’ll help drive you, but you have to go”. My cousin started yelling and arguing with my aunt, so my mom called the police to come help remove my cousin. It took them until 1:30a to get some of her stuff packed into 2 vehicles, to move her to a hotel. She didn’t believe my mom would actually kick her out.

After they were gone, I went into the bedroom (which was still totally hoarded, I couldn’t even tell things had been taken out) just to see what sorts of things my cousin had been collecting. I found some of my mom’s jewelry, baby items (some still in the packages, she has no kids), kids toys, practically one of every nic-nak from the dollar store with the tags still on.

My cousin’s dad and stepmom came and cleaned out the bedroom for my mom. Its been 2 months now. The state I live in has open records, I was able to see that my cousin was only given a ticket for theft. We have an idea of where she is, I believe a hotel being paid for by a nonprofit. Last week she had tried calling one of her brothers to try to get him to subscribe for some type of service for which she would receive a commission for.

Sister-cousin has since blocked me on all social media and from what I know she hasn’t had a cellphone since she moved in with my mom. I would be open to talking to her again, after she went through a treatment program. It just makes me so sad that she would cut off everyone, for whatever mental illness she’s dealing with. We use to be able to talk to each other about anything but now it seems like I don’t mean anything to her. It feels like she died, but she didn’t. At the least, I’ve been distancing myself from everyone except my mom and my brother. My owi aunt has a juried court trial in a few weeks, I can check the status of that online. I just can’t be involved anymore. I hope I can find some closure, move on, and make a happier life for myself from now on.