Supplanter

It’s always the unattainable you want the most.

As little as I know of you it was clear you were deeply wounded and not in that sad pathetic way either but the way it made you bitter and callous. I wanted to understand you, dive deeper into you but you were not going to give that up easily.

Your pursuit of happiness is more of an escape, you want all the perks of a relationship without the accountability of one, which is fine, the only expectations I had of you were simple human decency.

You try to fill the void of something you’re still healing from and I couldn’t be the filler. We triggered each other which brought out the worst in us.

You are so complex, I really had to think about the things you’d say to me to really comprehend what you were trying to tell me. This was my favorite thing about you and the most attractive part about you…. dismantling your ideals was enthralling.

Sometimes you’d slip and find yourself oversharing, this was endearing as you seem so closed to the possibilities of intimacy beyond sex.

You want more than what I can give you, it’s all the same to me. You think I pick you apart but that’s not it, the only thing I never liked was the lack of self-insertion, you wanted to keep things so casual to the point it was merely impossible to precive you.

And you have no problem writing someone off if they do something you don’t like but I still like you even if you can’t stand the idea of me.

Pursing me in an endeavor that was self-serving and regardless of what my intentions were, you thought I’d bend and to be honest, I was genuinely considering it, you got impatient with me, grew tired and weary. That’s okay, maybe you were doing me a favor. I tend to get invested too deeply.

And I did think of your hands on me, the passions we could have shared and what those lips were keeping secrets to and the kisses I’ll never get. It’s all just fiction now,  a chapter of my memory, closed and filed away.

It’s a little bit underwhelming but strip all the bullshit away and there was potential there. I know I’m just one of many, nothing to look back on fondly. I am one big flaw, I like to share too much of myself and expect the same in return. I can only blame myself for that.

The same things we love, we hate. You and I, we’re not so different.

I won’t lie, I miss talking to you, hearing from you and it was nice while it lasted.

“I want to tell you we’re alright,
I want to erase all your doubt.”

Can’t get it out – Brand New