Little King

I never had the intent to be vile. Just genuinely wondered if I cared enough to understand you and at one point before it faltered, I really thought for a moment I cared. Imagined this whole different outcome that made me feel happy but instantly that fiction was gone. I saw myself wanting to be close to you, hopeful even. Maybe I had made a snap judgement but through my blunt words you completely misunderstood my intentions. Then I remembered why it never lasted,  I could never be apart of something that felt so spurious, strained, and sordid.

What you have failed to remember is I was keen about you once, that I wasn’t always unkind to you. I just always felt that you weren’t being real with me but trying to be something else that wasn’t as great as the simpler less metaphorical version of yourself. But I can’t say this is fact, just ponder.

I was so angry with you truthfully because I can recall being very vulnerable to you and that was one of my biggest hang ups. That I felt I had just been too open to someone I felt wasn’t real and didn’t really care either way it went but the other things still apply. It wasn’t just my vulnerability but the unacknowledgement and ultimately the snide remark that I will not again quote. That was my last straw but it wasn’t my only straw.

I didn’t like that you thought the things that interested me were trivial or insignificant as you put it. I have questioned you since in every way but mostly your integrity. That always crossed me.

We have conflicting beliefs about how people are or should be but mostly just our beliefs in general. We aren’t compatible in any sense or the word.

Admittedly, I am crucial of the people I desire to know. This is unjust, I am harsh, I am instantly feeling remorse over things I do even if I really don’t like the person but I can easily return to being peeved in an instant too.

I am a thorn in the side, I know. But it doesn’t matter now because it’s really gone this time and that’s okay.