Hogan’s …Hogan’s

I just got home from going to the bar with Anne. This was my very first bar experience. I smell like cigarettes, weed, and alcohol. I saw many attractive men, one in particular that Anne knew and felt uneasy around since apparently he told her mother one day at his job that Anne and him should go out sometime, anyway, I was attracted to this fella prior to knowing this bit of info.

We sat in the back to observe as she and I are the same this way not for men but observe the entire bar, actions, music, laughter, noise. I felt so uncomfortable from the jump, out of my character to go anywhere and do anything but this is something I am addressing as I’ve lost nearly 100 pounds and can’t keep sheltering myself away from life. As we got situated in our booth we decided on drinks. I ordered a Screw Driver the only drink I could think of and she ordered a Bloody Mary, I watched her interact with others and the bartender, grinning in her tye dye shirt, no filtering sound just her wrinkled face in simple joy. I waited cautiously at the booth when I saw this handsome man darting in and out of the pub like bar making eye contact with me then disappear as quickly as he came or gone in this instant. She made her way back to the booth not only bought me a drink but brought it to me. I thanked her and we sipped on our drinks she offered me a green olive something I’ve never tried if you can believe that but I can honestly say I didn’t like it for to me it was bitter, a strange taste that brought out the vodka in my drink which I then let the ice in my cup melt to water that shit down. We talked about her ex, her books that she again left me to go retrieve from her car which I then again saw handsome. She returned with books I do not recall the names of and had me read parts she liked and that interested me. Finally she had seen handsome  for herself and now recalled his face and then that’s were she told me all about her mom and him wanting to go out sometime. I was envious but took it lightly and mentioned nothing of my attraction. For the next hour he kept making appearances making eye contact with me and I felt silly since I knew he had a thing for Anne, so I pushed away any idea of interest.. mostly. Eventually a big group of people came in looking around for a table one sir who just happened to look over at Anne and she said "Hello!" He said "Hello. Can we maybe sit here with you?" she said "you can just have our table" I obliged. He then went on to say "thanks! I’ll buy you guys a drink" I said to Anne "I really don’t want him to buy me a drink" She laughed at me. As we moved I loudly said in her ear "now is our chance to make our way into the back of the bar" that was an outside area where handsome was coming and going from. She laughed and agreed we went outside with our drinks, still same drinks we had barely drank. We made it out, a breath of fresh air and cool breeze on my flushed cheeks, I was relaxed. My hair a pest that I put it up out of my face, I felt even better after this. There was a table in the far back left filled with people and an empty table to the far right corner and a large rectangular storage thing in the middle of the area where we made our place. Suddenly, handsome approaches Anne saying "Hey, it’s nice to see you" Since he works at Petco and she is there often because of a client. I am just a ghost, a quiet fool who smiles idiotically at everyone from behind her uplifting, outgoing personality. He talked to her about her books but only briefly she then introduced me to him he shook Anne’s hand since apparently not properly introduced just aware of each other through business and said "I’m Alex" then looked to me grabbed my hand and said "Alex and you are?" I said "Kelci" but he didn’t hear my mousy tone so he leaned into me and I said "Kelci" louder shaking his hand then chuckled like an ass. He smiled and said "nice meeting you" I smiled and said "you too." He then said he’d be right back but never came back but lingered at the left corner table so I kept looking I couldn’t help it *sigh* I was attracted. He’d make eye contact briefly then go back to socializing with people at this table. He kept up his routine of coming and going then finally disappeared at the end of our evening. Anne had to piss and was going to go find him to give him her number this bummed me out but I said nothing. She left me alone a couple times I sat awkwardly alone fucking with my cell so that just in case no one would bother me… sounds really stupid but I do that, I don’t want to be approached but I do but I am too insecure so I am not bothered with the lack of noticeability. She came back and said "the girls room was locked so I used the mens." I chuckled and said "well girls take too long in there!" She shrugged and said "you ready to go?" I said if you are then yeah. She said "I am sleeeeepyyy." I agreed with my slight buzz of relaxed tiredness. We made our way out of the bar my eyes darting looking for Alex but nowhere to be found I felt satisfied come to find he was right outside around the right corner sitting on a bench with someone. I was about to say "well he’s…" then I saw him and shut up instantly. Anne walked up to him with ease said  "I think you need my number" the random person said "see a hundred years ago a guy had to ask" then this person kept staring at me while Anne was giving Alex her number and I could feel it, then I looked at them no expression change just staring, then I looked away and back again, still staring at me, this made me so very uncomfortable so I just looked around all weird like cause I didn’t want to look at them again. Anne told Alex that he’d better text her "Hi! It’s Alex with a smiley face" I just stood there feeling like an idiot for just being so obviously uncomfortable. Alex then said laughing "I.. something like that". She said "Oh good, yes, think about it, converse about it." referring to the starer. Alex said goodbye to Anne and said "it was nice meeting you again, Kelci" I smiled like an asshole and said "you too" and felt again uncomfortable with the thought of them watching us walk away. We got into the car we laughed because we were squeezed between two cars she’s all "I don’t want to hit the car behind me and have them see the whole thing". She manged to ease out and I began a state of daze I thought about everything instantly as we drove away not listening to Anne talk. We hit a dark stop in the street on the way to the bridge I said to her "Alex really is handsome, adorable." She smiled and said "he is, isn’t he?" I half grinned and said "mhmm." Silence occurred from myself and more talking came from Anne which was something about B and sex with other people. I just agreed with her not really taking part in her thought because I was gone, a tired relaxed zombie. Then she showed me this song by Eyedea and Abilities – Burn Fetish which I really likeand Spin Cycle. She is such an interesting human being. We reached my final destination, home, we hugged and talked about going again sometime soon. I came inside went into my room and striped down put on jams smelling of cigarettes, weed, and alcohol. My head pounding from the loud ass music. I really did enjoy myself as much as I was uncomfortable and feeling like a fool out of place.