tired of trying….
I have no idea why I let me bio-dad and his family into my life, nothing but a frickin headache for me. I do not even know why i go through the trouble of excepting at least my brother as family. I have two half brothers that are in their 20’s and only seem to give a damn about themselves. Well one of them, if he knows I am mad or my "step mother" says something he is trying to make things right or suck up in a sense. But the other brother I havent really talked to him since February when we drove 2 hours to see that family, and get pics done which ended up being drama. He has this gf that I literally want to punch in the face!!! She is a big reason why him and I don’t talk and I know it. She can bitch me out about how I hurt my brothers feeling and made him upset when I said I feel like he did care during a time I needed my family the most! ( I lost my unborn daughter Grace at 22 weeks!) That I have tried to forgive her for but forgetting is another story. They could go black friday shopping but not my daughters memorial service. How the hell am I supposed to feel?!
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My son and my daughter’s Birthdays are coming up. My daughter’s on Sunday and My son’s on Thursday. Yeah 4 days apart so that means a big birthday party! which means money we don’t really have. But I will do anything for my children to make sure they don’t notice how bad things are right now and they stay happy kids! My parents did the same thing for us growing up. They found a way to make things work. Let me explain why we don’t have the money…….I currently do not work, my husband does and has been trying to get a second job so I can stay home with the kids until they are in school full time (one more year!!! I can not wait LOL) but he hasnt had any luck a few jobs here and there but nothing that sticks. We moved to a town 45 mins away from where we grew up and have family. (because of my husband’s job and better school district) So we don’t have anyone for daycare and the daycare out here is expensive if I was to work it would be just for my kids to be in daycare. So we opted for me to stay home. and NO we can not receive any of this assistance that people talk about the state only helps "certain" people. (wont get started on that one). I left a life that I could handle to a life that is almost too hard to handle. Since we moved we have nothing but car problems, cant afford a newer car we have bad credit problems things we were trying to fix but when we moved things got put on the back burner. Out here you have to drive every where to get anywhere. So maybe we made a mistake moving our here or maybe it was just timing but we did this for our kids too because the school system where we lived SUCKS and I wasn’t sending my kids there. After what happened to my little brother I refuse to send my kids to a school system that isn’t safe. Ok I am done typing now….so if you must judge me then do so, but if you want to send some advice or whatever please do so I do actually listen and take into consideration of others!