Sisters….

I often wonder what having that “bestie” sister is like.  That relationship where women are close to their sisters.  I have two sister we grew up together for the most part one is 5 years younger than me and the other is 11 years younger I think. NOt that it matters but they are my half sisters. I’m technically an only child to an abusive failed marriage of like a year. Beside the point.

I barely talk to the younger one, I try but the conversation pretty much dead ends. My other sister though….she is something else. We talk more, but she is…..and while I hate the term….millennial or at least that stereotype. She screws over people no matter the consequence. She is former military and she uses that to her full advantage. I hate it. Partly cause she was kicked out and I don’t think she is someone that should be held up on a silver platter per say. I know sometimes when I tell people that I sound jealous, in a way yes, she did some awesome things, traveling the world gained some experiences, hell I feel like our parents made her out to be so awesome. Really?! so awesome she was kicked out. mmhhmm ok. Her and I are so different, she brags obsessively about herself and I don’t really even bring up things, when we talk on the phone or text its usually her bitching about something that didn’t go her way. She’s not the one person I go running to like you see other sisters doing. I know her and my other sister don’t have the greatest relationship either, because she is always trying to borrow and not pay back my youngest sister.  Just like when she got married a few months ago I was her second choice as Matron of honor. The first choice was a “best” friend who is fair weathered and never there for her. But whateves.

My sister in law, well her and I are pretty close. Wasn’t always that way, apparently she liked me, hated me, tolerated me, and finally gave in to the sister thing lol. I’ve known my sister in law for 19 years first few years she liked me cause I would babysit all the time for her and I adored her two youngins. Then apparently she hated me which I heard from some close friends of hers. But long story short, she has been there for me through EVERY bad thing that has happened to our family since being family. As I have always tried to be there for her and her family. We dont go many days without just saying love or miss you, and if we do, we ask what’s wrong? WHile I know she isnt always honest with me, the family has a habitual lying problem sometimes, I just roll with it.

The reason for writing this entry is because it still bothers me that, I don’t have the kind of relationship I notice a lot of sisters have. My dad’s death really made me zero in on the fact that I am on my own. Every day or a few times a week after his death I checked in on my mom, sisters, and hell even my brothers to see how they were. Not ONE of them has ever made me feel like I was even a thought that maybe I am mourning/feeling too. I see them tag each other in BS on FB about dad and how they feel.  Hoping it would help if I just wrote out what I was thinking and feeling, but idk this time, so much hurt still I think.