Writing. Part 1: The Explanation

I don’t suppose it should shock you that I’m somewhat of a writer.

Elementary school… I won awards for my writing.
Middle school… I attended a few college seminars to advance my technique.
High school… I quit.

It was at a middle school sponsored seminar that I met the woman who would sum up my entire life (past and future) on one small sheet of torn notepad paper.  She wrote privately, "For one so young, your insight is enormous.  Many people will not understand you; many will attempt to stop you.  Do not let this happen.  You have an amazing gift.  Thank you for sharing today."
I felt that her note was meaningful but at the time, of course, I was unable to understand it.

And so, like I mentioned earlier, high school I stopped writing.  I had NO one to compliment my work.  I had NO mentors, NO seminars, NO one to tell me to keep at it.  I was told that my point of views were disturbing and NO one enjoyed what I wrote.  Of course, this was the time where I suffered from multiple personality disorder and severe depression… so I thought my writing was part of what was wrong with me.  Furious at it all, I stopped altogether.  Even as I miraculously began to pull free of my mental ailments, I bullshitted all writing assignments- NO teacher cared about my potential or quality of work, only that the work was completed.

Looking back now, I remember that woman’s note from that seminar way back in middle school and I realize that I’ve been letting people walk all across my writing- I allowed them to stop me. 
She’d warned me it would happen and I allowed it, just like that.
I guess it just goes to show how various stresses attack our sense of purpose in ways subliminal. 

But now I am to take back what is rightfully mine- words.  ALL of them.  Big ones, little ones, opaque words, coarse words… I am going to fill myself with prose and short stories and the like.

The going will be difficult, for now when I pick up a pen, nothing comes to mind.  Yet, when this shall occur I will proceed to find words to describe the nothing that I feel and it will be magnificent!

In the beginning, the words won’t be great, nor will they be pretty but I refuse to apologize-
They will be baby steps, painfully familiar baby steps that I took so long ago and allowed the world to steal from me.

Part 2 I will hopefully write tonight- it will be a collection of works I’ve written from the past to the day I wrote the above passage.
Peace and health.

†   INMATE   †

Wearing::  Interesting colored pj pants and the red and black lumberjacket again, LOL.  But a blue and white Aerosport long sleeved shirt underneath…
Last ate::  Clementine.
Feeling::  Determined, by God!!
Reading::  Just finished ‘Shane’ by Jack Schaeffer and am now reading ‘Perry Mason & the One-Eyed Witness’ by Erin Gardner.  Yes, they’re old.  I’m sick of rereading my books and now I’m on to my mother’s ancient bookshelf.  : )