Vacant seating.

4th of July went aight.  I had almost an entirely panoramic view of fireworks from my roof.  It was beautiful.

Saw Kelly on Saturday.  We also agreed to chill after my long day yesterday.
Jeana wanted to see Hancock.  And so we did, 2200.  I was stressed out, Jeana was exhausted and Kelly was pretty fucked up. 

I know what it feels like to have things "not right".  I know that feeling very well cuz I’ve been there myself.  Often.  I can read him pretty good… several years of knowing someone does you pretty good in that department.  I knew when we all left my house that he wasn’t right.

He ditched us.  I wasn’t too surprised but I WAS surprised that I felt like bawling my eyes out while punching the snot out of passerby.  Instead, I just made friends with a handful of pre-teen girls and we did cartwheels in front of the movie theater (Jeana was on the phone).  …Yep.

I am an observant person when it comes to my immediate area.  Call it a learned skill and drop it. 
He drove by a block away.  I assumed he was going to the parking garage, humans are creatures of habit.

Jeana and I went in to watch Hancock (movie=a LOT better than I had anticipated).  Right before the movie started, a ninja walked in.  I thought, ‘No, Kelly had been wearing a black shirt.’ and then I realized he’d been wearing a white shirt underneath.   He left right before the movie ended.
I wasn’t 100% positive until he sent me a text after the movie "Hey.  Movie over?"
I cussed up a storm, something I’m not totally prone to nowadays.  He obviously decided he wanted to talk. 
I didn’t really want to talk.  "I love you but there’s nothing I can do about it."  END OF STORY HOLMES.

Jeana and I went to Wal-Mart.  She waited until Kells showed up and wanted to wait longer because she knew he wasn’t right and she knew I was upset.  Not usually a good combo but I made her leave.  
No matter how upset either of us get, no matter how fucked up he might EVER get… I don’t have anything to fear from him.  I’m stronger mentally & physically than he is in his current state and sure, he might be a little able to handle a gun better than I can but the day he holds a gun on me is the day I’m in hell and might as well die.

We talked a bit.  We talked more so without talking.  Paul Wall was playing, I’ll never forget that absurdity.  I didn’t walk in my door until 0230.  I had to be awake at 0800 to get ready for teaching.  This is my only break right now until 2030 and then I go to his house for tacos.
Lol.  Kelly called me last night before I went to bed because his mom wants to see me and wanted to make tacos.  So we had to plan a time.  I refused first off… any family rearranging their schedule to fit my crazy ass one is ridiculous.
But if I would have said that, I’m pretty sure he would have said, "[Inmate] you ARE family here."
I’m gonna be sweaty, exhausted and starving.  Not exactly the image I like to give his family… but at least it’s not a first impression, lol. 

I should eat and choreograph.  Ugh.

I want him to get better.  I can’t comprehend anything else.  I can’t accept anything else.
Sorry I haven’t been noting again.  I’m a failure in that regard.

MEDICAID.  is fucking.  CONFUSING.

-INMATE-

Wearing::  Blue Nike capris, black short sleeve jersey.
Feeling::  Hungry.  Lethargic.