Rollercoaster! Vroom vroom! XD

Last night he asked me to marry him.  I’m still a little reeling.  o.o

He called at 1245 again and he hadn’t been in a great mood the last time we’d even texted so I was of course worried… but he wasn’t in that sort of mood at all.  (LOL, he’d been hard at work trying to convince his platoon commander that his girlfriend’s birthday is a good enough reason to take a two weeks leave.  XD )
We bullshitted for a little while (Are hippos migratory animals, anyone?  Do they travel in herds or in flocks?) and then he goes, "[Inmate], this is going to sound a little weird but… [insert background story about USMC rules… moving in and becoming a unit….] will you marry me?"

And I just about fell off my bed, even though I was sitting solidly in the center of it.

Now, if you take my reaction at face value… the way my face lit up and my mood shot through the ceiling…
There’s no reason I should say no.

(If there’s ONE thing I’ve learned over the past few days with his bipolar ass… is that I can barely breathe with the thought of not having him.)

Marriage, however, is one of those irreversible things that scare me a bunch.  I know I’m not alone when I say that but I’m definitely not like a lot of people in society anymore that believe marriage is just some etravagant way to say I love you (He isn’t, either).
Marriage is forever and I DON’T believe in divorce and remarrying… I think that’s bullshit. 
This will change my life, deeply and irrevocably, and this is a question I was totally unprepared for.

So, with everything that has been going on lately, and not just in his world but in mine… that question was sufficiently enough to blow my mind straight the fuck out in the wee hours of the morning.

I mean, EGAD.  I’ve never even thought about getting married.  I’d given up on it (because I couldn’t see that I had the right person with me all along?). 
I am stumped.  I wouldn’t even know the first thing to do if we said yes (I’m such a bad female, I know).
Plus, it’s not like we’d have the money to do anything… and my parents would probably skin me alive.

This might be naive of me, but I can’t NOT think about how great it would finally be to be able to run (lol, screw things up) things the way we want to and bitch/moan about malls vs. gallerias and who dominates who and who gets to pay the tab (except I have to be careful about that one- for V-Day he gave me a $100 Starbucks card.  Written on it in big, bold, letters "I’M PAYING!  Love you, Kelly".  The gall!!!).
We’d rent an apartment where we have numerous complaints against us for loud, offensive music… one of the rooms would probably be chock full of guns and knives and Star Wars shit and collectible Psychopathic Records memorabilia.  There would be US Marines in and out of our place all day long, keeping life colorful.  Eventually, knowing him, we’d end up with a dog the size of me. 
We’d do our separate shit but after a long day… I could come home to him.  He’d hug me, look at me the way he looks at me… that makes me melt all the fuck over.
Then he’d post up in the corner and do his drug dealing Sean Connery impression and I’d laugh my ass off until kingdom come.

But underneath all this is the worry that his leg won’t get better.  What do we do then? 
And what about my dancing-my career.  I CAN’T give that up.  Yet I’m having trouble placing things in my life right now.  I want both, equally as much. 
I’ve given up on the cruise ship idea because I just don’t think it’s plausible for me to leave him for 6-12 months. 
Where does that send me…?  Probably to LA.  And he’s stationed at Camp Pendleton right now so… if we got married, we could both move out to the south suburbs of LA and both commute. 

This all seems ridiculous to even contemplate.  I feel like I’m so young yet, such a kid… what’s a kid doing trying to make plans like these???

INMATE  †