MY SKOOL DAYS- I was a teacher’s nightmare. *Edit

I’ve hit 13 out of 50, bolding what I’ve done.   My amazingly fortunate punishments are typed afterward in gray.  : )
Thanks James Ensor for providing the ammunition for this entry…

50 Fun Things to Do at Finals

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh shit, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.   ME:  NEVER BROUGHT A PILLOW- I USED MY BACKPACK.  Who would chew me out for sleepin’??

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "André, André, I’ve got the secret documents!!"

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.  ME:  I’M NOT THIS SMART.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the teacher’s left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I’m SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the teacher is.  No, I didn’t get in trouble.

6. Bring cheerleaders, & have them cheer for you the entire test session.

7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the teacher, "I don’t understand ANY of this. I’ve been to class all semester long! What’s the deal? And who the hell are you? Where’s the regular guy?"  No, I didn’t get in trouble.

8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc.). Play with the volume at max level.  My CD player was confiscated for a verrrrry long time- I was verrrrry grumpy.

9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.  ME:  I DIDN’T ANSWER EVERY QUESTION LIKE THIS.  JUST MAYBE A QUARTER.  ^_^  I didn’t get in trouble, I just failed.

10. Bring pets.   ME:  I STOLE A SCHOOL CHAIR AND BROUGHT IT WITH ME TO EVERY CLASS – I INSISTED I SIT IN IT FOR EVERYTHING, NEGLECTING THE CHAIR ATTACHED TO MY DESK.  Most teachers used to my antics ignored me- a few got really mad and made me leave my chair at the front of the room but I could take it with me when I left.  : )

11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the teacher, say "They’ve found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.  ME:  I WAS ALWAYS LATE TO CLASS SO ONE DAY I FRANTICALLY TOLD THE TEACHER THE ALIENS HAD FOUND ME- HE DIDN’T BELIEVE ME SO I RAN OUT AGAIN.  No, I didn’t get in trouble.  I think my friend (who was a senior at the time) bribed him with alcohol to keep me out of trouble.

12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you’re really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.  ME:  I USED PINK PEN- MY TEACHER WAS NOT AMUSED.  quote- "I NEVER EXPECTED YOU TO BE THE ONE TO USE PEN, LET ALONE PINK!"  Got a lecture, nothing more.

14. Come into the exam wearing a pair of birkenstocks, and nothing else.

15. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette’s Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.  I got yelled at…

16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don’t know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.  ME:  I WROTE DARK LOTUS SONG LYRICS BACKWARDS AND TURNED THEM IN.  I failed obviously, but no trouble- thankfully the teacher couldn’t read backwards because Dark Lotus ain’t the cleanest group around LOL.

17. Bring things to throw at the teacher when s/he’s not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.    I DON’T REMEMBER WHO ENDED UP IN TROUBLE, ME OR HIM.  PROBABLY ME BECAUSE I WOULDN’T LET SOMEONE ELSE TAKE THE BLAME… BUT I DON’T REMEMBER.

18. As soon as the teacher hands you the exam, eat it.

19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the teacher to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the teacher to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.

20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.   ME:  UMMM… THE TEACHER MADE ME.  APPARENTLY I GOT IN TROUBLE EVERYWHERE I SAT. 

21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.  ME:  WHO HASN’T???  Why would I get in trouble for this?  I probably failed but…

22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB, BABE, ADD, BAD, etc..).

23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.

25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the teacher that whether or not everyone’s done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink).

26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"   ME:  LOL, TOO BAD I’M NOT IN SCHOOL ANYMORE OR I’D DO THIS.

28. Comment on how sexy the teacher is looking that day.

29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I’m here,

the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every class. Fight for your right to take the exam.

31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don’t really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? My favorite show is on!!!"   The teacher just rolled her eyes and told me to get to it.

32. Bring a water pistol with you. Enough said.  ME:  UMMM, NOT TO EXAMS.  BUT I DID SPEND HALF A DAY RUNNING FROM PEOPLE AND ASSISTANT PRINCIPALS THE DAY I DID BRING A WATER GUN WITH ME.  Paranoia.  ^_^

33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor’s requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.  ME:  ‘MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB’ WORKS WONDERS- SCREW JEOPARDY.  Oh, man, I got SCREAMED at.

34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations.  ME:  UMMMMM, I DO THIS ACCIDENTALLY CUZ I SUCK AT MATH.  I got chewed out AND I failed…

36. Come in wearing a full knight’s outfit, complete with sword and shield.

37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

38. Bring cheat sheets FROM ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious, like history notes for a calculus exam; otherwise you’re not just failing, you’re getting kicked out, too) and staple them to the exam with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."

39. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.

40. After you get the exam, call the teacher over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.  No trouble. 

41. One word: Wrestlemania.  Got chewed out and had to move seats.

42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.

43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.

45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.   ME:  EVERYTIME I WENT TO PEE I DECLARED I NEEDED TO SEE THE TOILET GOD- and yes, I did give thanks…  Why would I get in trouble for my religious preference…?

46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc. sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the teacher to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don’t forget to use the phrase "Told you so".

50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor _____ Sucks".

ME:  I ALSO CHASED A FAT HOMIE AROUND THE ROOM DURING AN EXAM (teacher left for a second) WITH A LARGE WRENCH.  ANOTHER TIME WITH SHURIKEN, BUT I THINK IT WAS ANOTHER NINJA.  HEH HEH.  FUNNEH SHIT- they deserved it though.  I wasn’t caught.
I ALSO LIT MATCHES- IT EVEN GOT US A FREE CLASS PERIOD!  MIRACULOUSLY I WASN’T CAUGHT EVEN THOUGH THEY SNIFFED MY HANDS.  IT WAS FUNNEH, I GOT A MIGRAINE FROM IT AND WENT HOME- I WAS FREAKIN’ OUT, LOL!
I ALSO FLIPPED OFF THE EXAM AND GOT CAUGHT ONCE- Taken aside, chewed out, and scrutinized carefully for the rest of the year.
I ALSO USED TO SCREAM "HIPPOPOTAMUS" OR "RHINOCERUS" OR SOMETHING EQUALLY AS RETARDED AT RANDOM INTERVALS.  The teacher would just sigh loudly and try to focus the entire class again.  Hehe!

† -INMATE- †

Wearing::  Dark gray cut off sweatpants, maroon Reebok athletic top.
Last ate::  Peanut butter in a tortilla, I’m about to consume a protein drink.
Feeling::  Hungreh!  : D