Looking into the Past as a Reflection of Now

Time:: 7:40 pm
Listening to::  Computer hum
Wearing:: Pjs and robe
Last ate:: spaghetti w/sausage, green beans and cheesebread.  Lunch!
Woke up: 10:52 am

My brother is in the ICU of a hospital in Biloxi, MS.  He’s getting better, and I don’t really understand what happened except for that it was pretty bad.  It was a result of a few surgeries he had a few years ago that he needed these surgeries now to save his life.  I feel very blessed that he is still with us.
I was having a bad stomachache two days ago, and they must have been sympathy pains.  It just shows that two people from the same womb have connections deeper than speech, since we don’t talk often. 
I’m sick today, and perhaps that is why I’m stricken with this conscious thought. 
Everything that currently happens is a reflection of the past because experiences do repeat themselves.  Dreams repeat themselves often, as well, only in several different versions since it is unique to have the exact same dream several times over.  I, myself, admit to having this happen very closely on the mark, but know that it is a fluke.  My dreams are acid trip dreams, and I think understanding my dreams is the key to understanding everything that has happened to me, is happening to me, and will happen to me. 
I have moments where I understand that I am not like the person sitting next to me.  It’s not just something I think is true because I am a teenager, because physically I am different.  Mentally I am different.  Everyone that knows me jokes about how I must have been alien born.  My dreams have something to do with it. 
But, even if I could find teh easy route and say "Yes, I want to know what I’m here for" I wouldn’t.  Because truly I am no different than the person sitting next to me.  Our souls are identical, and if they don’t deserve to know, I don’t deserve to know.
So many years ago, I was such a different person than I am now.  I can promise you I didn’t understand that fact, what it was like to be different but the same, and honestly I don’t understand what made me leap over teh knowledge barrier. 
Truly, I’m not sure what I’m even saying, except for that there is so much out there in this world. 
There are whole WORLDS out there that half the people in America don’t realize exist. 
And, like me, perhaps it is just best to leave them undiscovered.
Because that is where they will do the most good, undiscovered, and unprohibited. 
Difference is like a plague, and the human race instinctively fears the unknown.  I know I do. 
But it is within the unknown where all of our answers lie.

 INMATE