L-I-F-E… why why why…? DVD recordings… etc.

I decided to come on here and write instead of doing anything stupid.  Actually right now I’m so pissed off that I am utterly docile. 
I’m just exhausted and I don’t feel well and I’m tired of pretending that everything in my life is going great. 
My frickin’ DVD recorder just ate all of my hard work that I’ve been doing over the summer.  I’ve been organizing and recording all of my dance footage into two DVDs- choreography and solo work.  It’s a lot, believe me.  I had to finalize it tonight to bring it to the studio tomorrow where myself and my dance director were to combine all of it into a ten-fifteen minute audition video to showcase my skills.  This video I would send out to companies and namely the CRUISE LINES where I’ve wanted to work for a long time.  WELL, I tried to finalize the discs and they refuse to finalize and now the recorder considers them bad and unusable.  II just went shower; this situation is totally unbelievable:  FINALLY my director and I were going to get working on this project and send out my work.  FINALLY I was going to start on my career that I’ve put on hold for eight months.  FINALLY I was going to start doing something with my life.  Well, I was thwarted by a DVD recorder.  Doesn’t say too much for me, huh?  Didn’t think so. 
And it would be great if I could afford to go to the dentist because I can’t chew on the left side of my mouth because I have the largest freakin’ cavity in the world. 
I was supposed to be the first one to leave and the first one out of my group of friends to move out into the world and start their career.  I am what you call a leader.  Very motivated, always upbeat (‘CEPT FOR NOW!!   DAMN DVD RECORDER) and great at motivating others.  The first one of my circle of best friends left back in June 1st or something.  That didn’t phase me because that was only one of them and he was really early.  Then my very best friend left yesterday (Saturday) and it practically blew me away- the only homie left leaves in 15 days or something… and that REALLY blows me away.  I will be the only one left and I’m the only one who has always known what they’ve wanted to and just been… AHHH. 
If I had a driver’s license and could afford to buy a car things would be a little different.  Then I could at least get another job and drive to and from my dance teaching job now.  Yet I can DEFINITELY NOT afford a car.  But for some reason my parents don’t want to take me to get a driver’s license and I’ve been on the phone with the damn motor vehicle department and texas safety like no other arguing about what I’m supposed to do.  Truly, I am still a little confused but…
It just strikes me aghast that some people don’t have to worry about this.  They have their parents arrange their driver’s license and buy them a car and help them with college and their future and… well, yea, all that shit.
Still, I know I am very lucky when it comes down to things.  I have a house (until it’s foreclosed, of course- deadline is coming up again and I don’t think I can pay for it this time), and a family, and food on the table. 
But sometimes… ::makes frustrated sighing sound:: 
I just wonder when me or my family will get a break.  We’ve been screwed over ENOUGH, dammit! 
ENOUGH! 
And my grandma’s dying of cancer.  My parents didn’t tell me but I could hear it in my dad’s voice.  She may not be close, but she’s ready.  She’s accepted it.  That’s half of dying… I’ve been there (not with cancer though) and I know this.

-INMATE-

Wearing:: Disney boxers and a Hypercolor tee that changes color with your body temp.
Last ate::  Spinach, potatoes, and a graham with peanut butter.  Dinner!
Feeling::  Trodden upon, kicked around, fucked up, mad.