It’s a bit chilly up here! : D

It’s been a little while since I’ve written from the top of the world.  So… hi. 

Last night Kelly and I made pumpkin pie (which turned out fantastic, save for parts of the crust).  It took us a few hours but it was probably the most enjoyable thing I’ve ever done.  Both of us sat together in front of the oven watching the pie bake for a good 20 minutes, not saying much but there again was that pristine, perfect feeling. 
Both my parents walked in at separate times and made fun of us.  As a matter of fact, every time my mom walked by the kitchen she gave me that LOOK.  That all-knowing mom LOOK.  It was obvious that my parents (and Kelly’s, apparently) knew it would happen before either of us did. 
I didn’t know what that swollen feeling was that I was hiding away until afterwards when he drove away and I went back inside my house.  I proceeded to pull a shitfit, cross-legged on my bed, staring out the window.  Alternated between "Holy crap I’m gonna burst into tears" and "What the hell could you say even if you got anything out?"

Kells didn’t even get very far away before he just pulled off the road to text me and make sure I was alright.  He drove back to my house.  I didn’t even tell him to.  He just knew.

I clambered into his car and we had a little pow-wow, there in my driveway. 

By this time, I was a complete nutcase  to which he calmly (like always) responded, "Females are NUTS.  Look at me, a male, perfectly CALM.  Look at you, losin’ your shit.  So, I’ve had the privilege to watch you grow up… and when we were kids I used to think, ‘Wow, she’s a little off.’  Now that you’re a full blown woman I get to think, ‘Wow, you’re fucking BONKERS.’"

It was then that I realized that I loved that kid.  Through thick and thin I always have and always will.  And I told him so except I probably fucked it all up because he still didn’t get what I was saying.  So, petrified as I was, I kissed him.  He still didn’t get it.  (I think he might have been in denial, actually.)  So I basically wigged out and sulked and we just talked for a while.  I should have just said, "Kelly, I love you.  More than friends.  Have for a while.  End of story."  But me and my BONKERS emotions…
He left, leaving me almost more wigged out than when I started; on top of that I was FRUSTRATED because I didn’t know if I got anything through to him.

He texted me a little later, saying he loved me and that he’d see me next time he was in town.
To which I answered, ‘And how do YOU mean it?’
‘Like I’ve been in love with you for God knows how long.  That’s how.’  (To which i’d wigged out- figures)
But he still didn’t get ME.  So I flipped out again (anyone seeing a pattern here?), FINALLY spilled the exact truth, rambling about cartoon hearts  and sappy love shit.
And then he got it, asking ‘What’s next?’
I had no idea.  Now, I know that all of my past relationships have broken off something or other because of my dancing but… I have been friends with this ninja for 6 years.  Best friends for 2 or so. 
Hell, we don’t see each other but a few weeks out of a year anymore.  Long distancing ANYTHING isn’t easy but not much will change.  This can’t hurt us.
Cuz that’s the route we’re going.  We’ll see what happens.  We’ve been friends for way, way too long to let simple shit get in our way. 

The fact that he’s gone again hasn’t really hit me yet.  I’m still at the top of the world, TOTALLY at peace.  Over something I wasn’t even going to say. 
At least I’m not alone.  He’s in the same boat.

So, this marks a new chapter in my journal… the year of 2008.  It’s a new year that begun with a bang (I’ll write about that later) and I hit the ground running. 

2008, I am ready.

INMATE  †

Wearing::  Plaid gray pj pants, black/orange ICP Ringmaster shirt, black and red Pony jacket.  And socks.  I’m wearing socks.
Feeling::  Calm.  Zen.  Peace.  Happy. 
Last ate::  Ham and cheese quesadilla topped with sour cream.