…Hi?

I’m getting a 2nd job- I’m sending in apps to Starbucks.  Starting next week I teach at bare minimum 11 dance classes a week, typically 12, and sometimes a few more.  I need money to buy a car, for starters and then to save up to move to LA.  That’ll give me 10-12 hour days though.  O.O

I’m driving as much as my parents will let me but it’s not a fun process.  My dad expects me to be good at it and my mom only goes to and from the studio, 5 minutes away.
Most of my "future" plans are new.  I’ve been battling depression for a while… it’s started to come hand-in-hand with the bulimia.  It’s a pretty vicious cycle but I’m really trying to get out of it.  If I didn’t have Kelly (I basically live my days through his texts), I don’t know where I would be.

I’ve been burnt out with dance, too.  However, I recently nailed my back handspring.  Which is super exciting because I had an irrational fear about the initial blind take-off.  😀

By January, I’m hoping to move in with Kelly.  (My parents are going to throttle me.)  He’ll be back in town October. 
He’s quitting smoking and trying to get back in shape.  In turn, I’m trying my damndest to stop throwin up.  I’ve made it as long as Kelly’s made it without smoking:  two days.  Heh, we have a long way to go.  He doesn’t know I’m trying to stop though… I don’t like bringing the subject up. 
We’re good for each other.

Healthwise, I’m anemic so I’m drinking coffee just to get enough energy for my typical work-out.  I go to bed often around 2200-2300 (yes, I’m 20 years old AND adhd- this whole TIRED thing is really foreign and tough on me…).  Still trying to get into a low-income clinic.  I haven’t been to a doctor since my 2-week-long death fever in March… and that was strictly for my fever.  Beyond that, I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen a dr.

My home life is stressful but I think I might be getting better at handling it.  I wish my mom would leave my dad but I don’t know if I should tell her or not.  He’s extremely bipolar.  Depressed, probably.  Computer addicted.  You know, just being the angry alcoholic he is. 
But I can usually hold the household together if I’m cheerful- All the time.  But that’s rough cuz I’m trying to do everything on my own and I’m super stressed out.  I understand tough love and I understand my mom is working (at if not below minimum wage) to support her and my dad and occasionally me… but Christ.  I’d love to have some kind of help with some things.
(My dad’s brilliant about nearly everything but his policy is ‘Don’t talk to me unless you know what you’re talking about’ so, frustrating as it might be, I’ve learned not to ask him a question if I don’t know the answer.)

I guess that’s why I haven’t been writing lately… things have gotten monotonous; I always feel like I’m saying the same shit.  I’ve been trying to wade through everything..  doctors, taxes, jobs, phones, computers, buying a car, insurance, apartments, moving out, etc.  There’s so much to know and so much to learn and it’s all so overwhelming.  At times it sucks the life out of me.

I’ve had to adjust to a lot of things that I never thought I’d face, but that’s life isn’t it? 
I’m just growing up, like everybody else. 

I wish all of you the best and I miss being a part of y’alls lives.  Hopefully, soon I can return to this journal and start ME where I left off and when this happens I also hope that y’all will let me back into your lives. 
Peace and health.

-INMATE-