Getting over IT!!!!!!!

Time:: 10:42 pm
Listening to:: ‘Scrimps & Juice’ Psychopathic Rydas
Wearing:: White sweatshirt that says "Grand Champion News Years Championships" and my dad’s khaki pants that are too long for me and have no button
Woke up:: 11:36 am

I CANT GET OVER IT! 
Gezis… it doesn’t matter how strong I am, I just can’t get over it.
I hear his voice and suddenly the world slows down, and I could be silent and be happy just being on the phone with him but… time is limited.  He gets married end of January.  Then I have to let it go.  But I know he’s not 100% happy, and I know I’m not 100% happy.  I may not be able to dance professionally because of my feet or my ego but I have to try.  I can’t just give up no matter how much I want to because I will never live it down.  I love him so much though.  God.  He’s the only person that can piss me off so much I want to just hang up and start screaming, then call him right back and say I’m sorry.  I LOVE HIM DAMMIT WHY CANT THAT EVER BE ENOUGH!  I can’t keep talking to him and try to get over him.  I can’t.  I can’t get over him and still hear his voice adn hear him pretend he’s happy.  It hurts.  And I love him oh my god, I guess I was expecting it to be all happy and pretty, but love is a nasty thing and it won’t go away and it makes me feel like a little kid that can’t get everything she wants and ohhh…
Isn’t love supposed to cure hte world??
I mean, I’m not the domestic kind of female, but every time I think about him, I know I wouldn’t mind cooking and cleaning for him and just… it’s like my "other" program sets in.  It’s so fucking crazy.
If I didn’t love dance so much, and if he wasn’t in the damn Marine Corps.  It doesn’t help that my parents don’t "like" him, so I can’t exactly talk to them about it… Maybe if I had the money to go to college, I could start my but I have to dance.  I have to. 
God help me.  Please.  I can’t give up dance.  It’s my childhood dream, but I know I won’t love again.  Not like this.  I know I won’t. 

INMATE