Gah!!!

Broke up with Sheldon Sunday night. 

Told him dance precedented- no, that’s not a word?- came before him.  And I WOULD leave him if an opportunity to fulfill my career would come up.

Yea.  It was like parting a cop from his half-eaten breakfast donut.  With me being the cop and Sheldon being the donut.

We’d been talking about it before so it wasn’t some giant surprise on his part.  Whatever- I still felt like a royal bitch. 

He called me back Monday night and said, "I can’t do this.  I can’t not hear your beautiful voice."  We bullshitted/said nothing for a good forty minutes until he said, "Look.  You go do what you want, you go get on some tour you want, you go be with a traveling company, whatever the FUCK it is you’re screwing me over for.  But when you’re settled and when you know what you’re doing… baby, I’m gonna be here.  I’m not letting you go.  I love you."
It was BEAUTIFUL.

I agreed as long as he promised not to wait for me… As long as he continues his dating life and his relationships. 

And maybe, even though I care for him deeply, maybe he will find someone else. 

Wrote a long-o e-mailio to my ex today.  The one that I still love and I think is my biggest obstacle in loving and accepting Sheldon. 
It’s hard because I know my ex still loves me. 
I was even about to abandon my dreams of being a professional dancer so we could get married (we were engaged) but then he e-mailed me and said he was getting married to some other bitch. 

I promised myself that if I couldn’t have him I wouldn’t have anyone.  It’s been years and so far my promise is steadfast.
Besides, I never want to risk losing dance again for something that wasn’t meant to be.

I taught little kids today and almost threw a bigger fit than they did.  Was bone tired.  Took a jazz class and fell out of my double turns.    My director must have known something was up because I’m a turner. 
I’m the one that ran screaming into her office once that I did eight pirouettes and made her come watch.  ^_^

Sorry for the depressedness.  I’ll get over it before I write again.
Peace.

-Inmate-