Ditching LA- my V-Day.

Time:: 11:43 am
Listening to:: Computer hum
Wearing:: Robe and Mickey Mouse pj shirt w/ dark blue pj pants.
Last ate:: Honey Bunches of Oats and some little graham crackers w/ peanut butter
Woke up:: 11:02 am

I woke up Valentine’s Day and I checked my e-mail, much like I do every morning. Then I went to dance… I don’t know if Greg called because I didn’t pick up the phone. Yes, I wound up being home because my mom has started never keeping her plans. But it’s ok, because we went to Wal-Mart at 10:30 at night. But I’m not there yet in my story so hold the fuck on.
Then I went to dance, and my friends gave me stuff, so Valentine’s Day was worth it. LOL. I taught my hip hop production for team that my director wanted me to teach… it’s to Whoomp There It Is (common song but one that I like very very much) and it has a 20 second intro by DJ Juggernaut who is practically my hero. Anyway. After dance, I stopped by Jeana’s to get some graduation information. Which, by the way, I am very pissed about. I almost had my mom convinced that I didn’t need to walk across the stage (because it is HELLA pointless) because it costs way too damn much. Why not make the stupid ass school pay me 39 cents to mail me my diploma. It’s a lot less waste of time, lot less waste of money, and less pomp and circumstance. I’m not going to anything involved with graduation. The less I have with high school the better. Parties? eh, no, not unless someone I personally know is hosting them. A social life is useless.
Anyway, I got home and decided that LA is out of the picture for me. I have horrible feet. And by horrible feet, I mean that I had 80-year-old (diagnosed) feet when I was eleven years old. I’m seventeen now. You can guess how old they are now. They’re just really really busted from all of the abuse I’ve put on them over the years- I’ve got major tendonitis, extra bone fragments, shinsplints, completely flat feet. A lot of times I come home from dance and I can barely walk adn that’s just from some four hours of dance. I cannot do 9 hour auditions, 6- days a week as a job. I just can’t. It’s this hopeful delusion I’ve got in my head… and I’ve gotta get past that. Unless I can find a hip hop crew that will take me in, or get in with a tap company where there will be less strain on my feet, my dancing days will be done.
So I’ve figured that I will do this. Next year I am going to try to audition for a cruise line, that way I can travel the world for a year and get paid for it, and dance. I will then use that time to look for a college. Then I will go to college for something to do with dance, and get a medical degree or something that will help me maybe open a studio, or write for Dance Spirit. Something like that. I think it’s the best I can do. The only thing is that it is really tough to be able to accept this, because I’ve wanted to be a professional dancer ever since I was 3, when I started dancing. This is my 15th year. I can’t imagine me not dancing. I just can’t. I love the limelight. I love the spotlight. I’m not a great talker, so on stage is where I have everyone’s attention, and that’s where I let them know about my life, and my hardships.
Well, this is the greatest hardship of my life.
God help me, because this is going to be heartache worse than Randy.

-INMATE-

X-Plosion

May 9, 2007

I miss wrestling in a lot of aspects where you would miss not being around dancing in some form. It’s been a tough transition. Thankfully, my love & dream of writing/drawing(to get my writing published) has kept me alive in terms of motivation & following other goals. I would probably still be wrestling if not for it & it’s a dangerous hobby/profession. It beats you up in many ways like dancing do

does for you. I told ya about the mirrors in it, believe it or not. It is very similar. There is an adrenaline rush from performing as a wrestler that is like that high you get from dancing & performing on stage. It’s an incredible feeling. I miss it, but on another form, if I never did it again, I am blessed because God let me experience it. And as a lifelong fan as well, I am more honored than I

can possibly say. You have no idea, too how much fun I had. You’d have to see the footage. That’s my element. But I live on thru writing & creative release. Wrestling was that, too on many levels when I was writing storylines & tv shows, too. I loved talking too, as an actor/wrestler, it was just incredible. So I know what you are feeling at even the slightest prospect of NOT doing something in

the field you love. I think, & I have no idea where you are at goal/aspiration wise, since this is over a year ago, but hopefully you can own your own studio some day if your feet are that punished. No matter what tho, you have so much heart & resolve. I really admire you & what you have done & I haven’t even seen your work. I just know, ya know. 😉 That’s why I say it’d be incredible to actuall

actually see you, whether it be footage or you bust some moves or ballet or tap or anything. I would be honored just to watch you. Some people have a calling & incredible talent for something & it is just a part of them & it’s in your soul. No matter what happens/ed, I know you will be fine because you are around or a part of something that is your dream & love. And that is something truly special

I think the total notes on all of these will definitely be in the hundreds. lol. Hope you like reading them. lol. 😉