Convention SQUEEEEEEEness!

… WOW.  I am continuously discovering new, fascinating depths of exhaustion.  Just when I think I can’t function anymore…  Oooooh, there I go again!!

The only reason I’m awake right now is because I haven’t been sleeping well and besides… I went to sleep last night at 2000.

I won a SCHOLARSHIP from auditions yesterday.  …wow.  I’m still more or less in shock.  Or just a fatigued stupor.
Either one will probably be just as correct.  I think I need a 3rd cup of coffee.

It was THE BIG scholarship, too.  The one for 20 free classes at Debbie Allen’s studio in LA where they not only offer your basic disciplines, but salsa, Dunham, AERIAL training, voice, acting… the whole shebang man.  ::stares:: 

This weekend I almost felt like a celebrity.  People knew me all around the convention.  And the teachers always picked me to dance at the end, to show off for the rest of the class.  The director of the convention calls me by name as well.  Never mind the fact that she always gets it wrong by one letter lol, but it’s always by name.
I’ve ALWAYS dreamed of being (and revered) THAT girl.  It’s almost impossible believe that I am now THAT girl.  I am so blessed…

I got a migraine on Saturday; I believe it was from this psycho, thrashy dance.  My head didn’t like it at all nope.  But I personally loved it.  Because of my headTHROB, I was forced to skip a class.  I felt really guilty.  But that could just be considered my lunch period.  Since I was dancing 7 hours straight with no breaks.  *Nod*  It was almost exactly like that one time in Las Vegas where I worked myself so hard that I was sitting through a banquet and tears just started streaming down my face.  Only this time I was in an auditorium.
I was so far gone that by this time (halfway through my day) I drank 16 ounces of an energy drink and was rewarded with the mere ability to function at normal power again.  (And I’m the extremely caffeine sensitive one.)

I’m not Superwoman, this I admit (despite the new nickname).  Although after this summer I’d like to believe I’m close.  ^_^

No, I’m kidding.  The sky is the limit.  There is potential inside of me still untapped and I am FAR from being perfect.  But that’s why I love to dance.  There IS no perfection, there is no ONE way to do something.  Dance is freedom, the ability to be yourself without having to conjure coherent sentences (which is very, very difficult for me and my fast moving brain).

Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and I can’t see what everyone else sees in me.  I understand that I’ve grown up the role model for loads of girls but I still can’t imagine what they see when they look at me. 
Which I guess is good… growing into a role is so much easier than having to adjust to it.

I’m exhausted and rambling.  SQUEEEEEE-boombizzle-EEEE!

But growing into my dancing, I was ALWAYS overlooked.  I was SO hard on myself (and still am, Lord, Saturday I almost strangled myself over the hip hop routine we learned) and I was never recognized.  I was the little kid, too, being pushed into the older kid classes because I learn best by getting my ASS KICKED.
It’s so hard to get used to the choreographers and teachers and kids coming up to me telling me how awesome they think I am.  Somehow, somewhere I went from a wallflower to apparently this amazing plant thing and it’s rather hard to get used to.  Yet at the same time it’s NOT because I realize that I DESERVE this.  I have worked SO hard for so long and sacrificed so much…

HA!  HA!  I’M LIVING PROOF THAT DREAMS COME TRUE!
HAHAHAHA!  ::dances:: 

…I think I’m going to go back to sleep now.
::blinks::
Boot camp for the next four days. 

†   INMATE   †

Wearing::  Blue plaid boxers, blue cami.
Feeling::  More exhausted than I have EVER felt before… top that off with elation and you get my sense of being. 
Last ate::  Oatmeal topped with granola cereal.  I am starving all over again.  Woot!  ::goes eat::