And. Here I Am.

I’m sick.  Dehydrated and I feel like I have 104 degree temp…. my body aches, I’m cold… last night I fell asleep curled into a ball; I was shaking so hard I kept waking myself up. 
I’m also just about mentally destroyed.

I’m not real sure, but I may have stumbled upon the meaning of trying to handle things and not being okay.

Either way it doesn’t matter… there’s nothing that can be done. 

Except stop throwing up.  It’s really, RIDICULOUSLY, bad and yes, I know that’s half the reason I’m so physically messed up.  The other half is just that I’m so overwhelmed and I can’t handle what’s going on inside of my head (heart).
Honest, it’s so bad that I might die before Kelly even thinks he’s going to.

My back is messed up and I’m still shaking so hard that dancing is pretty much out of the question. 

Why am I doing this?
Why am I letting this happen?
I don’t like where any of this is heading.

I am getting everyone’s notes.  Thank you so much.  I always read them.  Always appreciate them.  But I can’t seem to respond.  I don’t know why. 
Maybe because in responding… it’s me accepting that there is a problem? 
And I can’t accept things right now, let alone deal with them?
I don’t know.  But all of you reading this, all of you who have left notes that I haven’t responded to…
You are WAY too good to me.
Thank you.

INMATE