Entry 800: Seasons Change

My depression, The Big Sads^TM has been bad for … a few months now. I wasn’t able to put a finger on what it was until yesterday when my wife said that she thinks my superpower is making a joke out of depression so much so people don’t realise it’s about depression. And honestly, okay.

I’ve had this feeling, like a weight on my chest and it’s all just so obvious now.

I have the regular depression, and apparently I have the Seasonal Depression too. 

I think it may be because I’ve actually reread my diary from years past and realised my teenage years weren’t at all great.

And then I’ve remembered more. I think I’ve just not wanted to know it. Not wanted to remember. 

I have trauma. I have childhood trauma. It’s to do with my dad, my mum standing by, growing up and not being what was expected of me. 

I have trauma. I have trauma. I have trauma. I have trauma. I have trauma. I have trauma. I have trauma. I have trauma. I have trauma. I have trauma.