Entry 790: It Was Not My Fault.

It’s raining currently. It has been for at least a day now. 

My mum messaged me before about the thunder and lightening. I said that it wasn’t where I was but my wife had messaged saying it was at home. I had a look on the camera by our front door and saw the flash of lightening. I said I was grateful to be indoors at my job as there are other people who are standing out on a gate or having to do outdoor patrols. Anyway. My mum then said that my brother was out watching Marine (local football club) and my dad was out walking the dog at the beach.

And I thought. I thought to myself, and later said to my wife via WhatsApp, that I hoped my dad was at the very end of his walk, furthest away from his van and getting soaked. 

My main feelings for my dad seem to be negative right now. Either negative or indifferent and I’m not sure that is the best thing for me. 

My dad is very much in my life. I see him once a week, most weeks. We do Scouting together. In all honestly, that is enough for me. 

I’m sure when I appeared in my parents life, they didn’t think that they would have this relationship with me. Not many people who have a child go into thinking that they would have this type of relationship with their child, but here we are.

When my dad was angry one time, when I was a teenager, he said to me that I wasn’t planned. He said that I was an accident. He said that he had been wearing a condom at the time. So that was great. 

My dad always had a short temper. He expected me to never mess up. He expected better from me. I was the second born child, they were meant to have practiced with my brother. I messed all that up by being different than my brother. It’s all my fault.

Spoiler: It was not my fault. 

– Jack