Entry 784: Finding My Way Out Of The Darkness

My thoughts are swimming with ideas and when I try to grasp onto one, it disappears like trying to grab hold of mist.

I’m in the darkness with flashes of colourful light made up of dust or tiny fragmented particles swirling around me. I’m surrounded by a rainbow, colours of different shades and brightness. I reach out to put my hand in the colours and they disappear as they come into contact with my skin and reappear on the other side as if my hand was nothing but a hedge for it to jump. 

Life has mellowed out for now. There doesn’t seem to be much happening.

I find myself sitting and not doing much of anything anymore. I say anymore as if I used to do things. I didn’t. 

I have been thinking more. That’s at least true. I’m not sure what the thoughts are, but they’re there. 

Maybe some of them aren’t relevant. Maybe some are about a possible trauma that I may or may not have been through. I grasp at them to try to put substance to them but they disappear as soon as try. I think therapy might be the only way out of the darkness. 

-Jack