Trigger

 Wanna weigh myself so bad. Ana is calling because I haven’t been eating well. This is not on purpose, this is not a relapse. Haven’t eaten cause I haven’t really had the time and too lazy/scared to cook for myself at night. I can feel that my stomach rumbles. Ana screams to check the scale. "This means you are losing weight, see even if you aren’t trying you are still aloud to check the scale right, just to check." "IWho knows you might like the number it says." "If you don’t check the scale all that rumbling in your stomach is for nothing and you’ll never know how low you got." Find myself looking up proana websites on the internet. I don’t know why. I was going to look up something on google and the history said that dan looked up the calories in the cough drops he is taking and the colories you burn at a wave pool. This kindah triggered me, I wanted to see what else he looked up behind my back. Did he look up pro ana sites? No he didn’t but once I was there I couldn’t resist to click and look through all the pictures. Ana says welcome home. I just try to listen to that song by Love Out Loud and say that God loves me more. But I don’t see whats so bad it’s not like i’m trying to lose weight just accidentally haven’t been eating enough and I don’t notice until it’s late at night and then I try to wke dan up and he gets mad.

I just think about my boobs and how I don’t want to lose them. Going to go get some more carrots. The only thing that doesn’t make noise. Others things I’m scared will make dans mom mad.

EDIT

104btwpathetic