To Sabrina

I read your entry and I just want you to know that the other entry I wrote was only my feelings at the time. I never said that they were really what I think, they were just the passing feelings I had while I had anxiety that night about it. I’m not angry at you, I do still care for you, love you, I do still wanna be your friend and like I said in my other entry I do still want you to come to sonshine, its just other people who think it wouldn’t be a good idea. I did feel like you used me as a rebound to bethann and I was mad about that at the time but like I said what I really think is that it is not your fault and even if you did I would not be mad at you and I would still be your friend. You say you felt all those things for me that I didn’t know that so if you are telling me the truth, well i don’t really know what to say because I can’t leave Dan because I love him and I live with him and I have been with him for a long time, he takes care of me and I feel he is my rock to care for me. It must have been uncomfortable for you that week and it was uncomfortable for dan too, he felt I spent all my time with you, not mad at you, just sad and I didnt know what to say to him. I doubt that me and you will do anything romantic or sexual in the future or at least near future but if it ever did happen I wouldn’t do it the way I did it that last week it was a bad idea to have you guys both there at the same time. IF I ever did try anything like that again I would have the people completely separate but still tell them both the truth about everything. That won’t be happening for a long time though because I need to get better first, and you would have to get better too. I really hope you get better and I am really sorry for the things that happened wrong like that 3 some thing I should have told him to leave and I’m sorry for that, but like I said I was fucking confused and high too so I fucked it up and i take responsibility for that. I hope that you will learn to love yourself and set boundaries for yourself and I hope you will learn that you are a beautiful person and deserve happiness. I will still be here for you, I still care for you, I just can’t try to save you anymore. I wish you all the best. With you and bethann, I may not like her and I feel like she is bad for you but I can’t really chose for you, if you feel like you need her that is your choice and I wish you all the best but please don’t ever put yourself down to make someone else happy. It took enough courage for you to tell her the truth, she shouldn’t persecute you for it. Don’t try to get into your eating disorder even a little bit yu are using it like a friend, ed is like a friend you try to hang around with when you get depressed but you should know by now that he is nothing but trouble and pain and even if you say you will only talk to him a little soon you will get obsessed. Don’t give him even a glance he doesn’t deserve you, you are too beautiful for that and your weight has been so stable, you have been doing so well :(. Anyways I am going to go to sleep now. Goodnight.