ADDICT

So yeah I think I’m probably getting addicted to benzodiazepines. People try to tell me i’m not that it is ok but inside im just fucking dying and crying thinking about how without these pills i feel like im going to go fucking crazy. I bring them everywhere I go and I get tolerant to them super quickly. With Xanax i started out taking halves and by a couple of weeks i was taking 4 whole pills of them a day when the max i was suppose to take is 3 and I was STILL feeling anxious!!! Now i’m on Klonopin and it worked for about a month but now I feel anxiety when I take three a day. I feel anxiety before 5 hours has past since my last pill. ALWAYS ANXIETY I JUST WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM I WANT IT TO GO AWAY I WANT TO BE NORMAL I DONT WANT TO BE ON PILLS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE BUT WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO DO WHEN I GO CRAZY WITHOUT THEM. Before them i couldnt leave my house. Housebound agoraphobic. Now I feel halfway normal but its a constant feeling that the anxiety is creeping up and i know that i am never will be normal so what the fuck is the point in trying. Pretty soon none of these pills will be enough since I get tolerant so damn quickly and eventually i will go crazy when they cant do it for me anymore. i hate this feeling. i hate being addicted to something to feel normal. its so fucked up. FUCK ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO THINK YOUR LIVES ARE HARD TRY LIVING MINE FOR ONE DAY, TRY BEING ADDICTED TO A PILL THAT ONLY MAKES YOU FEEL HALFWAY NORMAL AND STILL FEEL THAT CONSTANT ANXIETY DRAGGING ON YOU ALL FUCKING DAY LONG YOU CANT SLEEP. THE ANXIETY IS CRIPPLING I CANT DO MOST THINGS PEOPLE WOULD CONSIDER NORMAL WITHOUT FEELING THAT "ANXIOUS" FEELING THAT TERRIBLE FEELING THAT NO ONE CAN DESCRIBE. ITS HORRIBLE. AND IM ON THESE PILLS. I GIVE JUST ONE OF MY PILLS TO SOMEONE ELSE IT MAKES THEM PASS OUT ALL NIGHT AND MORNING. I TAKE THREE A DAY AND I AM STILL ANXIETY. WTF. WHY ME???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

IM JUST SO SICK OF THIS WHEN IS IT EVER GOING TO END ITS MAKING ME REALLY DEPRESSED. I JUST WANT IT TO STOP. END PLEASE. THERES NO WAY OUT I AM TRAPPED.