wish me luck!

i have my first orchestra concert tomorrow…i’m scared i’m going to fuck up…but i have to keep in mind that i know the pieces, i’ve done them several times (2 hours a day at least for all of them)…more than i’ve ever done before…so why do i still crap out for some notes?
maybe one reason is the fact that the conductor scares the crap out of me…although he’s not mean or anything, i just think that i’m the weak link in the band…that i am not a very strong player, and that the task is too huge for me…i’m not very strong on my low notes, and there’s tons in this piece…my tonal centre gets lost as i listen to the music so i can know when to come in…i think i just need to be calm…i know that there are some violins in the section that barely play their notes…there’s so many of them, they can fake…i can’t…i have to play…grr!!

i just have to take a deep breath…know that i know the piece…and do my best…go for it all..don’t be intimidated…that’s the best i can do…i’ll probably warm up tomorrow, and just practice the parts that i play that are out there from the rest of the ensemble…because there are few…the rest of the pieces are fine…

kyle may come also 🙂 he’s sick because of the pain killers he’s on for his wrist…which sucks…i just hope he feels better…and possibly well enough to hear me play…even just the thought that he was thinking about coming is great 🙂 and if he’s too sick for this one, there are others…if things are still working out…and if i don’t drive myself insane with overthinking…

my friend is having her baby now too…i’m probably going to drop by after the concert tomorrow hopefully and see how she’s doing…if i’m able to do so….

*BREATHE*