update

yeah…i don’t know why i have 3 seperate blogs, but yeah…it’s interesting…so i guess i just don’t write in this one very much…but yeah…i write long things i guess…let out all my emotional baggage…

kyle and i broke up…for good reason…i was pretty well being his puppet and walking on eggshells around him because whenever i’d ask questions, he’d get angry…also because he never admitted to being with me…never admitted that i was his girlfriend…so i was basically non-existant…and he has lied about so much…and basically hates me now…and i’m glad that he does…because he has a tendancy to contact his ex’s months later…so i don’t think he’ll contact me for a long time…and i hope he doesn’t…because i fear that i may go back to him…he basically made me feel like shit and that everything was my fault…he didn’t admit to any faults…no apologies ever…nothing…he’s too messed in the head…and i wish that i could have been the one to help him and be with him, but it just didn’t work…i still cry sometimes…even though it’s been a while…and it’s probably really pathetic…but i honestly did love him…or at least what i think love is…it just really sucks that what we once had is now hatred….and that i have to start over the same comfort i had with him and try it with someone else…like what if he was honestly being honest and i’m just going insane? if i didn’t have the proof i had then i would probably think i was crazy…but i know i’m not…it just sucks that i have this feeling still…i hate it so much…but know it’s normal…it is just so confusing…argh…

my family and i are close now…becka dumped her asshole of a boyfriend, and i guess that our ex’s were the reason for most of the tension right now…who knows…but it’s a nice feeling…i think i was trying to have that with my ex…have him replace my family because i was upset with them at the moment…but i know they’ll always be there for me…and they’re great…and i should never let anything come between me and them again…

i feel so selfish whenever i complain about this crap, when my friends have bigger fish to fry…i wish i could give them the help they needed, but i can’t and it sucks…

this has helped me a lot…lol…hooray…

and now for dating…it’s fun! 😀 lol i went on the best first date i’ve really ever had…a normal date…wow…