up in smoke

i’m hopefully finished smoking soon…i’ve been good for a while…just one every so often…i’ve denied people offering me some though, when i’d usually just say "fuck it" and take it, but i’ve been good with that…i need to stop so that my lungs are good for my horn playing…

i love the feeling of autumn…it’s just a great feeling…like the middle of a washing cycle, the first splash of water to start the cleansing process…which is of course completed when it’s new year’s day…

i also love october and halloween 🙂 i want to go to the haunted houses around the city that i’ve heard about…hopefully bring someone special so if i get jumpy, i can hang on…lol…

i guess i’m comfortable with the fact that i’ll be distant from my family…i’ve been used to it for so long…but i guess that it’s ok to get down about it some times…just accept the fact that certain sisters are bitches, and just learn from my mistakes…i know for sure that i will not lend out any money though…too much stress…and accept the fact that people are stupid and need to learn things for themselves…it’s too much stress for me to be explaining to them why they are being stupid…and then they get pissed off at me…lol…wouldn’t have the faintest idea why ;)…but still stick to my guns, and be myself, and speak what i think…just don’t go out of my way to do it…

and i’m surrounded by people who want to kill themselves…i think it’s useless to think that way…just live your life as great as possible, and you’ll enjoy it…bad things don’t happen all the time…and when they do, don’t dwell on them because it’s useless…but don’t deny the fact that they had happened in the first place…learn from them, and go on…

yeah…a lot of wisdom talk from someone who doesn’t have much…lol