no remorse

just hearing the words "there’s nothing i can do about it" hurts…
i knew it was a possibility, but just hearing it hurts so much…like it never happened…like there was no point…but i know that there was a point to it…that i was heard…that i wouldn’t stay quiet…but it just doesn’t seem good enough…i really didn’t want to be blamed for charging someone…but i would have at least liked him to have admitted it…or at least show something that showed he felt bad about it or something…remorse…but there wasn’t anything…it’s just crappy when someone has to get raped or have something more "severe" happen in order for anything solid to be done about it…for there to be actual solid evidence for anything to be done…if someone would come forward with it that is…because apparently many people do not…i can see why seeing all the help it does…but i know that if he does the same thing to someone else, and if someone else has that courage to come forward that something more may be done then…it is just really crappy for me not to have any validation…and now there’s nothing on him to warn others that he did this to someone…to me…for people to know that…it sucks that it’s just my word against his…i don’t blame the person who interviewed him and i…i am just sad that this isn’t going anywhere…that nothing more can be done…it’s on his record, but that’s not enough of a warning to others that it happened…

i was crying…i probably looked drunk or high or something on the bus ’cause my eyes and face were all red…my eyes are probably going to be puffy tomorrow…i want to eat, but don’t want to eat…i should eat, but don’t want to for fear of gorging down anything i see…my head hurts…at least i don’t have class until later tomorrow…but i have a lesson…i don’t want to go…but should because i don’t want the same things that happened to me last year happen this year…i want to cancel…but really shouldn’t…so it’s not as late as i originally thought…oh well…life continues on full speed even when i just want to take a break to breathe and absorb things…

i hope i can set an example for people…if people don’t stay quiet, more things can be done…tell someone…and do it as soon as you’re able…it’s scary…and emotionally rocky…but i’ve been through it…it helps the healing…but it doesn’t help if you stay quiet…it doesn’t hurt any less…it doesn’t go away if you don’t think about it…because it might help someone like me, who has to wait for someone else to come forward for something to be done…or it might deter the person from repeating in the future…it helps…although it seems a loss at first, it may help in the future…and i’m willing to go through this without any resolution in order to make something happen…