…just another day…

it’s my birthday on friday…i planned to do something that day…people bugged me about a month before to see what i wanted to do…i picked a nice chinese buffet dinner place…invited lots of people…some people can’t come, and that’s understandable…but someone whom i thought would do whatever possible to be there is not…
i made sure i was there for his birthday…i wanted to spend the day with him…but he doesn’t like celebrating his birthday…but i made sure i was there…i wanted to be there…yet he’s not going to be here for me…
is it wrong for me to be this sad? i think back on everything whenever i am sad, but i think about the negatives…i know he’s busy…he has his job and other things…i have school…but i make time for him…he didn’t come to my orchestra concert because he was too sick…i planned this so long ahead of time…i figured he would book the day off for me…but, i guess it’s just another day…maybe i’m asking too much…seeing as how we’re not "technically" together…although we basically are…i’m putting myself through too much crap…i can’t keep doing this to myself…when will it be the last straw? how many more times will this need to happen for me to realize it’s not going to change? i want it to change…the only thing getting me through is knowing that he’s moving out in january…and the hope that things will be better then…
all the important things…he’s not there…but if it’s important enough, i don’t want him to have to cancel things…but it doesn’t mean i’m not allowed to be upset…and that i’m not allowed to let him know that…

AHHHHSp ;awjpoiklsnd ;al IKWJ;3OIJ

sorry if this blog is emo and doesn’t make sense…i just closed my eyes and typed whatever came to my head…which is starting to hurt right now…