.i don’t know why.

i don’t know why this is happening…why i feel this way…why i don’t want to breathe…i don’t want to stop feeling horrible…i don’t want to move on…i don’t know why i can’t get over it…why i can’t understand that it just didn’t work…why sometimes i feel nothing and other times i burst out crying in hysterics…i hate this so much…i feel like shit and i know i’m not…why does this hurt so bad…why do i let him have this power over me…why i think i need him when i hate him…why i still love him when i hate him…i literally feel like i’m going insane…so maybe he was right and i really am the psycho one…there’s more important things in this world than this…but why is this the thing that hurts the most…i don’t even think i care if it was a lie…if all i love were the words coming from him…if i just ignored all the warnings…i hate the fact that i lowered myself and my beliefs for him, and he knows it…i hate this…why does nothing else effect me this way ever…why is it only this…i hate that i just want to see him and explain everything…but hate the fact that he wouldn’t / won’t listen…how he didn’t know how to love, but seemed to love so easily…why i don’t know what specific reason i’m crying any more…if it’s him or just the feeling…he’s still connected to that feeling and i hate it…

i hate how i don’t want anyone to know i feel this way…