a realization

I am so blind

I was dating this man right before I left Miami..god it all makes sense.

This bar regular..we all (the employees) called them the dice rollers. A bunch of single guys. Tall, built, black guys..kind of mysterious. I would always wait on their table of about 8 to 10 of them. I started talking to one of them. He was very flirtatious. He had a sports car but somebody hit him and wrecked it, so he was telling me about his new BMW..a gorgeous car. He said if I was lucky I could go for a ride in it. We exchanged number and began talking..

one night he wanted me to go for a ride in it down I-95…huge free way in Miami..we were goofing off playing truth or dare..needless to say I ended up with no clothes on in his front seat..he was a character, a goof off..but very gentle to my body. He just wanted to feel my skin..he asked if he could touch me. He pulled over down town and we began to kiss very softly. Then I began to explore this chest with my mouth..you can picture where this is going..

well we went back to his house..got into the shower and washed each other

we didn’t really have sex. We explored each other’s bodies.  He made me feel so good about myself..I went down on him and he is the first person I let come in my mouth..don’t ask me why..

well I had to move for my intership..we had talked on the phone a lot..when one day  realized his age. He came out and told me he was 17 years my elder..I didn’t expet that at all..he was such a goof off..so playful I thought maybe he was in his late 20’s..

I never thought  to ask why he didn’t have a family. ? Is it possible he had the STD?

Now I’m not saying ..Im just wondering..we he did enter my body he had a condom on..was it enough?

I am so foolish…that was a dumb idea on my part…

he still says now if I were living in Miami we’d be a couple..I think to myself now how, a 37 year old african american man will take a barely 5 foot white girl to meet his parents? Would I be something he hid? What else does he hide?

I am such a fool..