Strawberries and panic

I am baking. My husband brought home 18 lbs of strawberries from the warehouse yesterday. 18 lbs! We gave half to my mom, but that still leaves me with 9 lbs. I am making strawberry muffins, strawberry bread, strawberry jam, and possibly strawberry smoothies. Lots and lot of baking. It is helping me keep my head on straight. I am freaking out a little. There is a large part of me that is panicking. What if this doesn’t work. It has to work. What if they can’t freeze any eggs and this doesn’t work? What am I going to do? And it is “I” not “we”. He wants a baby. He is excited about a baby, but I am desperately aching for a baby and can not just view this in technical, rational terms.

There is a little voice in the back of my head that knows what I will do if this doesn’t work. There is a big part of me that feels like the world would end, but the little voice just says, “It will not be the end of the world. You will do a frozen cycle. If eggs can’t be frozen, you will save up and you will do another round of IVF. If that doesn’t work, you will adopt. Life will not end if this doesn’t work. It will be frustrating, but you will pick yourself up and keep going.” I am still frantic for this to work. I am going to spend the next two weeks until the pregnancy test losing myself in TV and books so that I can’t think or worry or panic.