Mrs.

We are married! I didn’t run away in terror as the finality settled around me or start to sweat and panic with images of a cage closing behind me. Honestly, I grinned like a lunatic, nearly cried a little because I love him so much, and within three minutes, the mayor said "I now pronounce you man and wife." It was over, just like that. The long stressful day with a white dress, 100 guests, and too many details to fathom is still two months away, but we are, for all legal purposes, joined in matrimony. It took me months to convince him to have a quiet legal ceremony before the wedding so we could file his legal permanent residency paperwork. It is so stressful knowing that our life here depends on him still having this job.

I don’t feel any different. I am not changing my name and we told as few people as possible because we wanted this to be just for us. Truthfully, I would have been so much happier if this had been the plan all along.

Spring is such a tease. The sky is a brilliant blue and the sun is shining for all she is worth, but the breeze blowing  through our apartment window is frigid. I want to be outside rolling in the sun-warmed grass, reading beneath a tree, and going for hikes in the pine barrens. There is nothing better than the smell of warm sap and pine on a sunny day. It’s better than warm apple pie. I love watching pine trees dance in the breeze. Their wood is so soft that each bough and each needle seems to sway and prance individually.

I still have not found a hobby. The majority of my free time has been hijacked by planning for the wedding that is still two months away. But I need something to keep me feeling like I am stil in touch with the sides of me that make me myself. Part of the problem is that my work schedule is never the same day to day, let along week to week. I can’t commit to a book club one wednesday night a month or to volunteering at an animal shelter on a weekly basis. I go to the gym when I can, but it isn’t enough.