Home again

We got through this little trip with no major problems. My mom was there the whole time. I should have felt relieved to return home to relative calm.

With my children, nothing is ever calm. They are both like little tornadoes of thoughts, feelings, and activity.

I digress.

I should have felt relieved, pure and simple, but I didn’t. With all these revelations stirring inside me, I think I was hoping for a clear black and white reason to leave. It’s like I was braced for an explosion that didn’t come. Now I am even more anxious because I know that if I let down my guard, it will come when I am least expecting it.

In February, a friend of mine said, “It doesn’t have to be so black and white. If you are unhappy, you can leave.” Maybe it says something about the value I place on my own emotional well-being that being unhappy doesn’t feel like a good enough reason. With children involved now, maybe it isn’t.