bad dreams go away

It is odd that just as everything seems to be going swimmingly the past couple weeks: new job, new boy, amazing friends, Christmas, etc. my sleep is filled with disturbing and sometimes terrifying dreams. The major theme seems to be bad things happening to the ones I love, real or imagined. Kidnapping, suicide, car accidents, stalkers, horrible fiery deaths. There are other, less obvious themes strewn throughout; mostly having to do with disturbing things that turn my stomach or my own personal safety. I swear I sit bolt upright in bed to escape them at least a couple times a night, or morning as the case may be.

I’ve tried reading poetry or something distracting to fill my latent thoughts with other story lines or the calming rhythm of Neruda or Patricia Smith. I’ve tried meditating to calm whatever turmoil is occuring in my subconscious. I’ve tried not eating for several hours before going to bed, drinking chamomile tea or hot milk, and eating a snack before going to bed. All to no avail. Maybe this sense that everything is going right with my life has me subconsciously waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop.

All I do know, is that on the nights when CJ is snuggled up and sleeping next to me, the nightmares are held at bay. Though, come 6 AM when he leaves for work,  they all come flooding back.