2/2/08

It was so icky out that my internship was cancelled.

Which was both good and bad. I stayed out too late last night because I didn’t want to come home to an empty bed and dealing with my daddy issues. So if it hadn’t been cancelled there was no way I would have gotten out of bed at 6AM. Plus, it forced me to nurture myself a bit. Since work and school have been hectic this week I really needed a break. So I slept in, watched the season premier of Lost online, and watched tv on the couch until it was time for work at the brewery.

I would have preferred to work another 15 hour day. But I stayed at the brewery until 3:30 AM. My friends’ band was playing, so after I got off work I just stayed and danced and avoided thinking or going home.

And to top it all off, B showed up after he finished work to see the band too. We needed to get the whole first time seeing each other after the break up thing over. But it was awful timing. I wish it would have been any night but tonight. I just didn’t have the emotional energy to deal with it. He came up about half an hour before I left to apologize for avoiding me. Which he hadn’t really. I thought it was perfectly natural that we didn’t sit down together and have a beer even though we danced right next to each other all night and I gave him a hug when he came in, etc. I wanted to snap at him and tell him I really just could deal with it right now, but I knew that would make it worse and it would make him feel bad for not being able to comfort me tonight. So I assured him, as always, that it was alright and that we were dealing with the situation the best we could. And then walked away to put more chairs up on the tables.

I have nothing to do until Sunday night. And by that I mean I am not working until then. There are a lot of things I need to get done, but I am in no frame of mind to do them. Which is bad because I have a lot of long term school work I should be working on since this is one of my few free weekends till the various projects are due. We’ll see. I may try to go to the library.

My right knee is killing me too. Which is odd. It is usually my left. I’ve been on my feet too much for too long while at work I guess.

I am a bit grateful for the non-self-inflicted physical pain though. It distracts me and helps divert my urge to replace emotional with physical.

Oh, right, and D turned out to be a total asshole only interested in getting in my pants. Which, considering my intense need for safety and love right about….now….was a big let down. Oh well. It would have been a bad decision anyway.

Bleh. Just a little too much right now.