would’ve could’ve should’ve

So maybe I’m not going crazy. Maybe I’m just out there reaching out like I tend to do. Safe reaching out, almost. Aaron’s 17 hours away. Remo’s 4 1/2 hours away. Maybe I’m just looking for something to hang on to in general. Meg’s doing it too… she’s crushing… I feel like it’s happening to me too. Somehow I’m crushing on the idea of crushing on someone that’s so tragically far away and in the Air Force. Or someone I’ve never met who has a girlfriend, but we should’ve met… and our sisters are best friends… but we haven’t. And we should’ve gone on a date sometime… but we didn’t… because we’ve never seen each other face to face. I feel like I’m far away from “home” now, and all of a sudden all of these things I should’ve done are biting me, saying – why did you spend all that time with Nolan? (STUPID promise rings to Vanessa… dork… idiot…) Why did you spend all that time chasing Alex? Getting Alex? Hating Alex?

I did ask Aaron to take me to winter formal junior year. He turned me down. His move. 🙂

We talked on the phone for about a half hour today. It was actually really nice. Funny how we never did that when we lived 5 minutes from each other. But it was, it was a nice change… it was just nice to hear his voice. To call and say, “Aaron?” “Yes?” “Hi, this is Erin.” Funny – we were like, ahh, that’s weird. Lol. Great. Gabe told me once that he wondered how long it would take us to get together. Interesting comment… I’ve never forgotten it.

Remo… man… you’re a freshman in college… dating a sophomore in high school. So wrong, so wrong. I used to absolutely adore that boy when we first started talking. I had this feeling about him – ok so I get that feeling a lot – especially from talking to guys online. I should stop basing things on internet.

Uh-oh… my diary is going to that horrible guy-talk phase again. I need to stop that right now. I hate those phases.