what am I going to do

Being in Myrtle Beach just made everything worse. I had to see them together all the time, but I also got to be with him. We’re still great friends, but then yesterday he started talking to me online. He was saying things that she does that hurt him. He was almost asking for advice. It was like he’s thinking about breaking up.

He was totally depressed today. I hate it, cause I can’t give him advice. I love him. I also love her because she is one of my best friends. I’m afraid that in giving advice I would be bias and only tell him things that would make them break up. I don’t want them to be unhappy, I just don’t know.

The trip forced us all to live together, and I realized just how in love I am with him. At points I thought she realized it too. I’m not sure, I don’t think she knows, but she may find out. He and I spent a lot of time together too because we are in the same band. She’s not in our band, and most of my other friends aren’t either. Plus even when we were all in a group, he and I would hang out a little bit, you know?? I don’t know. Maybe I’ll show you the convo we had. Here’s some key points:

him: there’s a hell of a lot of things i’m thinking right now

him: pardon my french

me: it’s quite alright

me: well are you ok?

him: i’ll be ok

me: ok…

him: a little hurt , but it’s ok

me: what???????? what happened??????

him: i’m just being dumb like normal anyways

me: noooo you’re never dumb

him: well that’s certainly not true, i’m dumb all the time , and i feel retarded saying that, cuz i say that because i believe it , not because i want sympathy

me: arrrrrrrgh: i don’t care what you believe, cause i don’t believe it

him: when (she) looks, maybe she’s actually just staring into space, but i doubt it, at other guys, and i’m standing righ tthere it hurts me soo much , and i don’t think that’s right

me: oh god

him: she did it again in the car while i was taking her home today, and i wanted to cry : like i’m doing now

me: awww god (his name)

him: i’m too weak for a relationship

***real quick comment here – I shouldn’t have said this next thing, even if I did mean it***

me: well if it means anything i honestly think you’re damn good looking

him: thanks

him: anyways

me: well, ok when we were walking to the pavillion she turned to me

him: so what i was thinking anyways sinc ei got destracted by i don’t know what , something dumb, the point is, she’s only 16 and she should be allowed/want to check out guys, but there’s gotta be something i can do to just stop thinking about it

him: not constantly staring at her makes it easier, cuz then i don’t know she’s doing it

me: oh god (his name)

him: is that the way to go? when i stare are her, she hates it usually anyways

me: i don’t know : i wish i knew i could give you advice : but

him: weren’t you in the middle of saying something

me: i can’t (his name)

him: pavilion

me: um, : oh yeah she turned to me : and said that she had just checked someone out and you were hurt by it : and she didn’t know what to do and she wished she weren’t there so she wouldn’t be doing it

him: i mean i don’t understand, the need to do that, i’ve never been into the checking out thing, i might glance ever so quickly at something i shouldn’t be looking at (with sunglasses on of course) but then i look right back at (her) and think, GOD DAMN she’s fine, and it’s no longer nessisary to give that 2nd look she gives : well anyways, that’s partially what i wanted to get off my chest, the rest might come in time, my keyboard is filled with tears already, anymore thinking of the sort will ruin it, and i’m gonna need this keyboard for college

me: lol, awwwwww

him: we’re tight on money and i’ve still gotta buy a printer

me: ::hug::

him: i don’t feel it : that’s doesn’t help

me: well if you were here i would hug you,

him: that rather

me: i know : i’m sorry : i don’t know what to say

him: when i don’t ask a bug i miss her, but when i do i feel like a pest : act like a bug i meant

me: i know how that feels

him: i dislike what i’m feeling immensly right now, and i’m gonna go take a crying nap, cuz i’m exausted, later him: *waves once again*

me: *waves back and hugs too* : bye

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That’s it. I don’t know. I can’t handle this.

@~>~>-dreamergrrl