was blind… but now I see… wow do I see

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO sick of Andy and Alex. You cannot even conceive of how sick I am of them. I CANNOT STAND THEM! Wow am I cured of that one. Even if you’ve talked to someone for 2 years… even if you’ve spent two weeks of your life with them at a camp… you will never truly know them until you spend a day in a normal environment with that person and one of their friends. I do NOT like them.

Hi, didn’t I tell Andy, and didn’t he confirm, that we were just friends? Ok, so stop rubbing my shoulders in the car. Stop molesting my dimples. Stop being a moron with Alex at the table. And Alex really needed to not be saying “is this the couples table?” Dumb jock. But a real one. I am SO disgusted by them.

Rude, crude, callous, immature, disgusting, distasteful… what other adjectives could I come up with. I can’t believe I used to like him, I used to want him. So gross. I am disgusted by him. Revolted by him. Embarassed by him. Utterly disgusted with myself for ever liking him. Ever wanting to be held by him. Ever wanting to be kissed by him.

Emma said it perfectly… we need/want gentlemen. And those boys, my friends, are far from it. They were making fun of Goo? And Ron, for that matter. Get this… my Mom commented on how polite and nice Ron was. So it’s like, yes I totally don’t agree with Ron on half of his… whatevers, yet even HE is way way better than Andy. The world makes no sense once again.

I’m back to this. The beginning. The intro. Been to chapter one and back. Back to me. So what does that make me. Does that give me a chance for a date sometime in this next year just because I’ve almost had experience? Or does that just put me back into the normal category that I’ve lived in my entire life? Not that that’s a bad category… independence is good. Freedom is good. Concentration on more important matters is good. But it’s the same. It’s nothing new.

Do you have any idea what Alex said to me? “No offense to Aimee, but the next visit I think will just be us 4.” Um, HI Alex… WHAT next visit? And they were saying how we need to go to THEIR city. Well, I’ll tell you this… if there is a next visit (which there hopefully will not be), I sure as heck am NOT busting my butt to get THERE. If they want to see us, they’re coming here. And hopefully they just won’t. If Emma wants to see Alex, that’s her decision… but she’s on her own. (And somehow I don’t think she does want to see him… we had a nice little chat.) GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

I just needed to get that out of my system. I’ll yell it off in band tomorrow. I sweated it off a little tonight. Andy and I finished the night playing badmitton one on one. I just really NEEDED to sweat and hit something. The birdie had to suffice. I even succeeded in hitting him on a few serves. That made me happy… it really did. Or, not happy, but a little more fulfilled. I didn’t even hug him goodbye. Not at all. And you know what? I don’t really give a darn. I feel bad that they drove all this way for nothing, but they were being jerks. Seriously. Why should I feel like I need to compensate for their long distance drive when they acted like that? And put my house through slight turmoil? And blah blah blah…

Apparently I really don’t have it out of my system yet. TWO FREAKING YEARS. I went into this with the right attitude. I was glad Andy hadn’t been at YAC… and today I had no desire for him, so I didn’t do or not do anything, I more made a point to not do anything. Little did I know that by tonight I would be in disbelief that I EVER liked him.

BAH! BAH to that entire city and its inhabitants.

And with that, I’m off to be

~swept away in anger~

@~>~>-dreamergrrl

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