Trials.

“i love you. and i hate you. and it’s really bugging me. a lot.”

Well, at least I managed to get that much out in our conversation. It’s been bad in general… and it’s not over yet. But he was being such an ass, but somehow I still love him… even if it is just as friends. And I finally managed to say it. So far his response? Nothing. Of course.

There is so much I would like to say to him.

I am going to punch the monitor. I am going to cry. How can he say things so, so, nonchalantly? As if nothing that important happened at all???

“me: why do things happen that happen, when they shouldn’t happen?

me: or is it all just in my head and nothing happened at all?

andy: well its just a test

me: what’s just a test?

andy: on our friendship

me: uh huh”

Is it just me, or is that crap? Ohh, now he has to go. He always has to go once we’ve actually started to accomplish something. OH, get this… he needed my number. Like I haven’t given it to him a million times. I can’t stand this at all. Ever heard of a phone book?

Ok, I need to calm down. It’s just that Jaims pulled all of this crap out on my tonight as well. Something about my saying Jess was self-centered. Yeah, not quite that word, or in that context, I said it. But I meant it as the way that Jess doesn’t try to hurt anyone, it’s just how she is and she’s still my best friend. Plus, I was just talking with Eric about it… cause he was having trouble dealing with their relationship. So then Jaimie puts on this crap about “well maybe you do not know people as much as you think you do”. And that really hurt. For once with an un-bias view (because for once I do not like him) I try to help him out with their relationship and suddenly everyone turns against me?

Throughout our convo I maintained that Jess is still one of my best friends! My gosh, I know that I have major problems too! Goodness sakes… And it wasn’t like I was totally bashing her! I was just supporting him in what he was saying and trying to help him out. I wasn’t trying to break them up, I wasn’t trying to lose a friend, I wasn’t trying to get Eric, I wasn’t trying to be a bitch. I was finally trying to just see all sides of the fricken situation! And suddenly everything SNAPS.

So, that happened, then this whole Andy ordeal. I can’t take much more.

@~>~>-dreamergrrl