this is me…

This is me fresh, showered, make-uped, cute, and ready to go out on a date. This is me starting to wonder whether I really like Nolan that much. This is me thinking I’ve talked to Meg too much. This is me totally wondering what to do with myself.

On the one hand I may have the Meg “oh my gosh he likes me” run away syndrome. OR on the other hand I might just not like him like that. Maybe I do like him and just don’t know how to deal with togetherness. NOT THAT WE’VE HAD TOO MUCH OF THAT. I don’t know… maybe I mistook team work and having fun as friends for liking him. Maybe I DID like him, but as soon as I experienced him liking me back, I just lost interest. He’s nothing like me. In all honesty. Then, of course, there’s always the possiblity that I just want my independence, and he’s not the type of guy that I need in order to fulfill that one need in my life.

I’m thinking I’m not getting that nervous crushy-feeling around him. And if I am, it’s only because I don’t know what to do. I’m thinking that I don’t want to give up flirting with all those band guys. All those juniors. Or maybe I’m happy with Nolan. I just DON’T KNOW. Isn’t this what happened with drummer Andy? And tuba Andy? Isn’t this ALWAYS what happens when I find out the guy likes me back? Or just likes me? Are my expectations really THAT high? What in the world am I doing…

This is me still wanting to hook up with Remo. A guy I’ve never met who lives 45 minutes from me and already has a girlfriend. Maybe I just really like making it hard on myself. This is me just wanting to date guys. Not be a couple.

You know… I’m a big girl. I can handle it when tuba Matt #2 (as opposed to #1 or #3) steps on my shoe. You don’t REALLY need to put your arm around my shoulders and be all… protective. I mean, yeah there are situations where that would be LOVELY. But uhh, I’m not the type that wants to be baby-ed. (babied? something) What is it, exactly, that Nolan DOES? He’s in band… ok… he’s in honors English… ok… he drives fast in the parking lot… what?… he has a ferret… what?… he’s friends with … who?… and I don’t like them?…

This is me being too picky. This is me being undateable. This is me being a hopeless romantic that rejects everyone that gives her a chance.

Lifehouse is on the radio. Hanging by a Moment. *sigh* WHY am I still all sappy wishing for love if I like Nolan? Are we seeing my point? MEG! I swear you rub off on me.

Did I tell you that Jared is in love with me? Jared from camp… Jared that I’ve known as long as I’ve known Andy. Yeah… I accidently said something about Thursday night to him… and he flipped out crying and getting all… dark on me. Then he FINALLY spilled his guts telling me how he never stops thinking about me and has been this way for two years now. Yeah I hated myself the night he told me that. At least I never liked Jared to begin with.

WHAT IS WITH EVERYONE THIS SUMMER? This is me wanting to be out with a bunch of people having a good time… laughing… being out in the sun…

~swept away in confusion~

@~>~>-dreamergrrl

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