“The Vagina Monologues”

It’s rather interesting that Dustin requested a sex entry yesterday, because today, in a nut shell, was about the sexuality of women. I’m not just talking English class (although that is where it all began). It was everywhere. The topic of sexuality is in the air, my friends.

Today for a book talk in English, Annie decided to do The Vagina Monologues. Now, it’s interesting, because I’d actually heard of this worldwide movement from a Newsweek article I stumbled upon a month or two ago. For those of you who aren’t aware of what’s going on, Eve Ensler wrote a book called The Vagina Monologues. However, it’s not just a book, she and other women also perform the monologues, which are exactly what they sound like: a whole bunch about women’s vaginas, and therefore their sexuality. In class we discussed the issue at hand (women’s sexuality), how it differs from males’, whether or not Eve Ensler is succeeding in her quest to make it a more open topic, and whether we agree with her method. That’s a lot to discuss, I know, but then again… Dustin did request it.

Men tend to be a lot more open about their sexuality and their rights to be sexual. Women’s sexuality is just not a thing that is often heard about or discussed. Men usually brag about their love lives, whereas a woman is expected to not share with other women what she is feeling or how she is experimenting. Of course things are changing, and of course Eve Ensler is doing a lot to help that change.

Our class discussed the words used in the English language in particular. As Ms. G remarked, thoughts are limited to the words we have to express them. We all understand the words slut, whore, dyke, skank, etc. We all understand that these words are derogatory sexual words, and that they all relate to women. But where are the words that express that same concept for men? The class found that there simply are no words that come close for a male. A man is praised for sleeping around. A woman is labeled a slut… a woman is shunned. Some women in our class remarked that men are almost expected to masturbate… and they are certainly not shunned for it. Women, however, just shy away from talking about masturbation in general. No one wants to talk about it, no one accepts it, people find it revolting and vulgar. And while I’m not condoning it, it definitely seems unfair. Why is there such a double standard?

It occurred to be during the course of conversation, that women are told that their virginity should be a gift to their husband. Men have no similar message; they are not told that they are to give themselves as a gift to their wives. There are no restrictions for men that include such a sacrificial connotation.

This entire subject reminded me that just a few months ago I wouldn’t have been able to take part in a discussion like we had today. It’s not something that has ever been talked about openly in my household, or something that’s been talked about among friends. The majority of my friends are virgins, and I was raised in a home where everyone was anti-premarital sex. Like I’ve said many times, I’ve always had my set of morals for as long as I can remember. I never questioned them, because I knew they were true… I accepted them willingly. Just a few months ago I would’ve never been discussing sex or any part of sexuality with my friends… it just wouldn’t happen. However, circumstances allowed me to become close friends with perhaps a person that I never dreamed I’d be close to. She is a very awesome person, and she is a person who is very open about sexuality. At first I was a little shocked at her, and what I perceived as a lack of morals. In fact, I had to actually consciously accept her, and even that wasn’t initially. Because of her openness, I’ve not only learned a great deal (because no one else was going to teach me anything), but I’ve learned to become comfortable with my own sexuality, and open enough to discuss things.

Before a month or, at most, two months, ago, I never questioned those morals. I knew my boundaries, and I knew why they were there. But sometimes situations make you doubt what you’ve always known. Sometimes I think you grow to a point where you simply have to explore those issues for yourself and come to your own conclusions. I honestly don’t know where my boundaries lie anymore. It was something I struggled a lot with it while I was still in a relationship, but it seems I have more time to explore my own sexuality and my wants/needs/morals. Perhaps that’s the most positive aspect of being single again. However, the point remains that I could never discuss these issues and my struggle with my mother. That would just never happen. I definitely hesitate to discuss these matters with my sister; it could be that she struggles too, or that she’s been where I am. But somehow, knowing my sister, I have a hard time believing that she has questioned everything so out rightly. That’s where the monologues once again come in. They’re shouting out to people like me that it IS ok to talk and question, and that there are other women out there who will talk about it with you.

Since being exposed to my friend’s bluntness and sometimes-detailed explanations, I’ve found myself joking about the topic more. On Friday when I mentioned that we had a sex talk in Kim’s car, we truly honestly did. I found myself explaining a few things (which is a little hypocritical because I have no experience) that my other friend explained to me. It was really interesting, because when we were discussing it, I realized that I had suddenly become so much more comfortable with the topic, and I was comfortable with sharing it with my friends. I think the issue is not whether or not we carry out actions – the issue is that we can discuss it and explore it without feeling ashamed.

to be continued