The Return of the Orange Pants

What is this? What is this feeling I get? Nervous? Happy? Wishful? Ahh, it’s all tied into one knot of what I want and what I cannot have.

Peter. That’s it in a nutshell. I want to bang my face into the monitor every time I write that in a place where it’s actually… well, written in a place. Especially in this diary, where people have free reign.

Last night I went to the citywide jr. high bands and orchestra concert to tape it for my mom. Well, he was there playing drums with the band from his jr. high. All during the concert (at least the part he played in) I just… I don’t know! It felt really warm in that gym, and I got kind of all… excited to see him. After it was all over, I was packing the camera away when suddenly these two strong arms (yeah… they fit the description, ehh?) wrap themselves around me in this sort of squeeze. I didn’t even have to look… I just said “hi Petey.” We had a nice little conversation, and he told me to come say hi to him the next morning. (that would be this morning) I guess it’s kind of hard to explain why he was going to be at the high school… but the jr. highs all meet before school at the high school to rehearse together for orchestra, and since he’s a drummer in the orchestra, well, he was going to be there. So I said I’d do my best to be there.

I got to school on time, but they were in the middle of rehearsal (with my mom) so I just kind of squeezed his shoulder and waved. That’s it.

Now I’m just… totally shooting myself because I’m in love with an 8th grader. *bang* And the thing is, I know I’ve gone over this again and again, but he’s only 2 years younger than me… but 3 grades. I’m 16, he’s 14. I’ll be 17, he’ll be 15. So, is it wrong for an 18 year old senior to take a 16 year old freshman to prom? I seriously am that pathetic that I feel the need to analyze this situation so in depth. Oh, and my GOSH he looked fine last night. DANGED fine. Not at all like an 8th grader. *bang* He looks like a sophomore at the very least, plus he’s totally mature for his age. *sigh*

I sometimes wonder whether it’s just me making this all up in my head… the whole fact that I’m destined to marry this boy. I mean, it feels (I don’t even know how describe the feel… it’s not physical… it’s just there, you know?) like he “feels” something too. But then again, that’s just crazy, cause he could have ANY girl he wanted. Plus he’s an 8th grader. *bang* I mean, maybe there is a slim chance that he knows somehow that we’re meant to be together too? Or not…

I’m hopeless.

Anyway, I find myself once again in love with Peter.

~swept away~

@~>~>-dreamergrrl

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